WEEK 6 Contenders: Bodey vs Adverse 5-0 BODEY WINS

Johnny 6 feet · 05-04-2020, 04:19 PM

Adverse- ...well damn, that escalated quickly! I always like narratives in topical pieces, establishing characters, telling a clear story always has me reaching for the popcorn.

"They swing around meeting us with wide blue eyes, "Oh just feeling adventurous"
The other quipped "we laugh in the face of danger" i chuckled at the Simba impressionist"

^Made me chuckle^ The tone took a jarring turn here and there, but the pacing was steady and the horror themed conclusion fit like a glove. Good.

Bodey- Loved this. You a Stephen King fan by any chance? This is kind of thing he'd write if rhyming was his thing. You established the characters and the setting extremely well and in a punchy manner like:

"I met Jon when I was fourteen, he’s a piston for jokes
A walking ad for Ecko clothing and reeks of cigarette smoke"

Great way to get the audience invested in what happens to the characters. The rest of the narrative managed to ride the line between creepy with moments of levity thrown in to balance the mood.

"He snapped off a branch, and Jon couldn’t help himself with this:
“Now you’ve got a chance, ghosts are defenseless against sticks!”

The twist at the end was Shylaman... except actually good, and it putting earlier details in a different context was the mark of a good story teller. Gripping from start to finish.

Vote- Bodey, and after reading this battle gents, it's clear I've got to bring it next week.

05-04-2020, 04:19 PM	#13
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558447	Adverse- ...well damn, that escalated quickly! I always like narratives in topical pieces, establishing characters, telling a clear story always has me reaching for the popcorn. "They swing around meeting us with wide blue eyes, "Oh just feeling adventurous" The other quipped "we laugh in the face of danger" i chuckled at the Simba impressionist" ^Made me chuckle^ The tone took a jarring turn here and there, but the pacing was steady and the horror themed conclusion fit like a glove. Good. Bodey- Loved this. You a Stephen King fan by any chance? This is kind of thing he'd write if rhyming was his thing. You established the characters and the setting extremely well and in a punchy manner like: "I met Jon when I was fourteen, he’s a piston for jokes A walking ad for Ecko clothing and reeks of cigarette smoke" Great way to get the audience invested in what happens to the characters. The rest of the narrative managed to ride the line between creepy with moments of levity thrown in to balance the mood. "He snapped off a branch, and Jon couldn’t help himself with this: “Now you’ve got a chance, ghosts are defenseless against sticks!” The twist at the end was Shylaman... except actually good, and it putting earlier details in a different context was the mark of a good story teller. Gripping from start to finish. Vote- Bodey, and after reading this battle gents, it's clear I've got to bring it next week.