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#5 |
Storyteller
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 446
Battle Record: 8-4
Champed - Guerrilla Writing League
Rep Power: 5558447 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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This whole collab put me in mind of a couple of dudes taking turns beating the shit out of punching bag. Nice imagery and rhyme schemes in both verses.
Some stand out stuff: "get the facts straight, my swags great, every pair of tits and ass gonna learn how my shaft taste," "live in a small bus -special ed in the house, with definite doubts, no lead pencils allowed, stencils of clowns, proud, and you might find weapons around" Internals, vocab, pacing, all good. You guys work well together. My only note would be just to space your lines out so they're not in a paragraph. Just makes them easier to read. Good stuff. Keep posting. -6 |
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