Week 3: Bodey vs MMLP- MMLP WINS

[Inno]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE
@Bodey @MMLP

Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

Due date: NEXT THURSDAY

GOODLUCK!

[Bodey]

Ay

[MMLP]

Lifes a living hell all thanks to my boss.
Like I'm inside a prison cell, as a glance at the watch.
Having to clock in as I stare at the abyss
but for my chance at the top, I'm revving to begin.
Prepared for all the risks, though I'm pinged as the target.
Tearing me up limb from limb once the bitching had started.
From criminal charges to profanity at work.
Now considered an artist and a true man of his word,
but if you rattled his nerves he could be drunkenly violent.
Soon staff come to learn not to ruffle the titan.
Employees Stunned into silence if he called on the owners.
Cunningly quiet while he stalked the promoters.
Swarming in closer, he was primed in position.
When they thought it was over, he would strike in an instant.
Always fighting the system with the shift getting bigger.
but bottom line is the business know hes a pivotal figure.
Those bosses typically bitter with him had led the attack
Stubbournly sticking the finger to all who head in his path.
So desperate to smash up the old twats themselves.
Even with ten to a man he still wont ask for help.
He goes mad himself with the choices that he makes.
As No Chance In Hell the employer would proclaim.
Wildy voicing his disdain was a sight to behold.
Well-oiled everyday as his mind would explode.
Without that eye for the gold, I'd probably say I'd quit
All those nights on the road with the holidays I missed
For the boss to make me think I was second-rate in class
Fuck him, I concentrated in trying to entertain the fans.
Seeing the next generation pass whilst drinking the cans.
Can celebrate at last once my finisher lands.
As hes pinned on the mat proving my endeavours were enough.
And just like that,
within a flash, "the Austin era has begun"

[Inno]

@Bodey

[Bodey]

sorry, dropping today. dont hate me

[Inno]

Originally Posted by Bodey

sorry, dropping today. dont hate me

Your breaking my heart

[Bodey]

a brainless skull tangled with thoughts,
of overgrown moss that had played on my heart,
bloating its veins to a green-colored clot.
i lie awake.
guilt-ridden insomniac, starving for some rest
still livin above the laundromat where i can see my breath
thinkin about your Pontiac, the one that i had wrecked
listenin to Rob Zombie tracks while barbecuing meth
i've hidden behind this awful mask that acts like it's my friend
a skin that simply copycats our latest social trends
i've got a pocket full of witty comments, but my soul will bravely melt
these eyes have fallen from its sockets and now i have to face myself
the cherry of my Newport sizzles softly in my ears
i've waited many years to see the day the fog would clear
where the clouds would take a seat and allow the light to leak through
and the crowds upon the streets would decide to take a peek too
no more self-afflicted blows to these terrific chiseled cheekbones
no more fractures to the skull from the smack and dope i'd reach fo'
a gorgeous sky had skinned me alive just so it could save me
but these tortured minds don't actually die
so consider me a newborn baby

sorry @MMLP

[Universe]

Okay, let's get into it. Finally.

MMLP - this was dope as fuck to me. I'm a wwe mark so I LOVED how it was a mini biography about Austin and his come up within the business. Especially with his broken skull sessions podcast he's doing now... it just all seemed to fit. I must admit I didn't catch on to what you were up to even with all of your trigger words and phrases perking up my ears... I knew it was building to something I just didn't know what. The reveal brought a smile to my face... always a good thing. I really appreciate and respect the approach you take on your topicals... you GET it. And the twists you save for the final bar always end it with a bang.... and that's the bottom line like an ass crack.

Bodey - First off, you were mad late, not good. But at least you dropped. The problem is, this was just an average verse in every possible way. I mean it was solid for sure, but not anything mind blowing. It seemed thrown together and most likely was. Definitely not enough to take out MMLP here. You were behind the 8 ball from the get go and really needed to shine to get the W... it just wasn't enough this week. Props for dropping though and not no showing. I think you still have a lot to offer this league (when motivated).

Vote - MMLP

[Scar]

mmlp, that was really cool man. i see this stuff is a niche for you. very outside the box, using popular properties to create a topical seems to be your thing and it honestly appears to be an easy and natural thing for you. I really enjoy this. A fan of the wwe attitude era, this struck a personal chord. it was awesome how you basically summed up austin's whole angle in wwe. i also like the little wordplay scattered about. flow wasn't super complex but it was clean and it did the job.

bodey, big fan of yours and props for show because the league's lifeline depends heavily on the participants. your writings are always super personal and it really does shine through. Especially when you describe the seemingly mundane moments or observations like "the cherry of my Newport sizzles softly in my ears" but stuff like that breathes life to a verse that would otherwise be, you know, robotic. its color to a white canvas, so to speak. but then there are these like "i've hidden behind this awful mask that acts like it's my friend" that i personally find was bordering histrionic and dramatic to the point of insecurity in your own communication with readers. but it may be different depending readers so, that could very well just be me.
with that said, i have to cast my ballot to bodey. the reason is very simple, despite it being a last minute effort, i felt her concept and execution worked perfectly with the picture. While mmlp basically used it to allude to t symbol of austin who used a skull insignia to represent his character, bodey utilized details of the pics to create a verse that although flawed in some respect, was sufficient enough to take the win to me.

[Adverse]

I don’t know I’m conflicted..
MMLP I like the way you find new and unconventional ways to work your photo topic into something completely different than the picture is at face value. I feel like you always find new ways to be innovative and it shows this week. I wasn’t a huge fan of your topic here though. Was never much of a wrestling fan so maybe it’s just personal preference? I did like the whole flow and progression of your story, but the story didn’t resonate with me on a personal level which isn’t mandatory in my criteria but is honestly something I really enjoy.

Bodey, it’s well documented that I’m a huge fan of your writing, and I am constantly impressed by the level of quality you bring to the table while cramming to get done at the deadline, and though you worked my senses and brought me into your story with a few bars (rob zombie line, cherry of my Newport etc) I felt like your entry was half baked and could only think about how much more I would have enjoyed it if you worked on it on and off for over the week you were given. Honestly think the way you bring in personal elements just captures your reader, but it doesn’t mean anything if you have a rushed conclusion and don’t take the time to flesh out your piece.

So yeah technically I liked Bodey’s piece more but I’m giving MMLP the win here because he was more consistent and from front to back told the better tale. Keep writing y’all

V/MMLP

[Objective]

MMLP: Pretty straight forward story paying the picture justice. I love the visuals of a broken man stuck in the 9-5 system feeling utterly helpless and used. References to alcoholism of feeling overworked and undervalued. Vengeance at the man takes place at the end. Decent write up, definitely seen better from you tho.

Bodey: A story of hopelessness and despair, someone going through mental illness of some sort. I'd put my bets on depression and regrets of past mistakes. Going through the motions of life and then coming out of it all as renewed with a new perspective on things. I liked where you were going with it but I feel like it could have been fleshed out a little bit more, it seemed a bit brainstormy to me at times but overall a decent write up. Would have liked to see more.

Vote: Seen better from both but @MMLP gets my vote on the basis that his verse was better fleshed out and with a more intriguing story. If Bodey had spent more time on her verse it and fleshed out the story a little bit more she could have snatched the vote. As it stands MMLP gets my vote.