Week 3: Clutbuck vs objective- CLUT WINS

Scar · 04-09-2020, 01:22 PM

Clutbuck, well i have to disagree with Universe's assessment of your verse. I don't think its about overpopulation at all. I think its more in tune with the old idiom: "one man's treasure is another man's "ta fuck?". I believe it was a good play on the picture as the verse is about balancing and weighing what's important in ones life. I like the irony at the end and as another disagreement with the above comment, i thought the punchline, laced in irony was quite effective. i did detect some spelling errors lulz. I think you meant to write i watch the fish as it flailed? Wasn't a fan of the haul by a male bit if i can be completely honest.

objective, i really like some of the play and flip on phrases. Upper right aches alone ~ upper echelon). the medusa line was awesome among other great lines. I'd say that's the strength of your verse. I think my only issue was that it got a bit redundant and stale. There's a lot of truth to what you are saying but sometimes imagination trumps reality. Maybe choose a more creative framing to express your contempt as opposed to a straight-up critique you know?

in this battle i have to cast my vote for Clutbuck. I think it was a cool story that serves as a parable about bounty vs beauty. Objective had some amazing one liners but it got a bit boring towards the middle on.

04-09-2020, 01:22 PM	#6
Scar Senior Member Join Date: May 2019 Posts: 566 Battle Record: 7-5 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5689709	Clutbuck, well i have to disagree with Universe's assessment of your verse. I don't think its about overpopulation at all. I think its more in tune with the old idiom: "one man's treasure is another man's "ta fuck?". I believe it was a good play on the picture as the verse is about balancing and weighing what's important in ones life. I like the irony at the end and as another disagreement with the above comment, i thought the punchline, laced in irony was quite effective. i did detect some spelling errors lulz. I think you meant to write i watch the fish as it flailed? Wasn't a fan of the haul by a male bit if i can be completely honest. objective, i really like some of the play and flip on phrases. Upper right aches alone ~ upper echelon). the medusa line was awesome among other great lines. I'd say that's the strength of your verse. I think my only issue was that it got a bit redundant and stale. There's a lot of truth to what you are saying but sometimes imagination trumps reality. Maybe choose a more creative framing to express your contempt as opposed to a straight-up critique you know? in this battle i have to cast my vote for Clutbuck. I think it was a cool story that serves as a parable about bounty vs beauty. Objective had some amazing one liners but it got a bit boring towards the middle on. Last edited by Scar; 04-09-2020 at 01:27 PM.