The Flies Are Back

Adverse · 03-31-2020, 10:12 AM

The flies are back..
Every winter i rejoice as the increasingly frigid weather
Eviscerates your species, exfoliates the face of the earth
The soundtrack of my existence is your incessant buzzing
A testament to all of the insects I've bludgeoned
You've been disorderly since the earth was roamed by prehistoric beings
Still have morbid choruses to sing down in the morgue's freezer drawers

Now it's Spring and your time to reign supreme has come again
You invade my privacy, knowing just how to dig your way under my skin
Your children fester in my brain, I claw at my scalp in agony
Creating conflict as patches of flesh turn raw from satiny
I die all over again when i reread each message that you sent to me
The flies are back to claim me as i rot away in the shadowy recesses of her memory

Adverse · 04-01-2020, 10:10 PM

Uppity, kinda got lost in the writing league

Inno · 04-02-2020, 01:30 AM

Seems like you where getting a head of steam as the verse kept going. I dug the imagery in this as well. I usually don’t take a stab at what the subject of your writing is cuz I just dont do it to not offend anyone lol, usually just focus on the writing. AMA take a stab an say this is about allergies? I’m probably wrong but hey let me know lol. This was good but too short like I said before seems like you got going towards the end and just stopped. Good read though

Adverse · 04-02-2020, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inno

Seems like you where getting a head of steam as the verse kept going. I dug the imagery in this as well. I usually don’t take a stab at what the subject of your writing is cuz I just dont do it to not offend anyone lol, usually just focus on the writing. AMA take a stab an say this is about allergies? I’m probably wrong but hey let me know lol. This was good but too short like I said before seems like you got going towards the end and just stopped. Good read though

Maybe I’ll workshop it if that ends up being the consensus I liked how it was going as well but decided to cut it short because it’s hard enough to get people to read a 12 around here lol thanks Inno I like the allergies angle as well, to be completely honest I leave a lot of my writings open ended so the reader can interpret what they want of it, so I’m not one to get upset about you taking a stab at it I think that’s a dope way to interpret it

Exis · 04-22-2020, 10:40 PM

Short & sweet...sorta like me lol, well I'm 6ft 1 but anyways.Imagery is always great in your pieces, loved the first stanza...would of loved this to be doubled in length bro, really would.

Stay you my friend...

03-31-2020, 10:12 AM	#1
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	The Flies Are Back The flies are back.. Every winter i rejoice as the increasingly frigid weather Eviscerates your species, exfoliates the face of the earth The soundtrack of my existence is your incessant buzzing A testament to all of the insects I've bludgeoned You've been disorderly since the earth was roamed by prehistoric beings Still have morbid choruses to sing down in the morgue's freezer drawers Now it's Spring and your time to reign supreme has come again You invade my privacy, knowing just how to dig your way under my skin Your children fester in my brain, I claw at my scalp in agony Creating conflict as patches of flesh turn raw from satiny I die all over again when i reread each message that you sent to me The flies are back to claim me as i rot away in the shadowy recesses of her memory

04-02-2020, 01:30 AM	#3
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Seems like you where getting a head of steam as the verse kept going. I dug the imagery in this as well. I usually don’t take a stab at what the subject of your writing is cuz I just dont do it to not offend anyone lol, usually just focus on the writing. AMA take a stab an say this is about allergies? I’m probably wrong but hey let me know lol. This was good but too short like I said before seems like you got going towards the end and just stopped. Good read though Last edited by Inno; 04-02-2020 at 12:51 PM.

04-01-2020, 10:10 PM	#2
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Uppity, kinda got lost in the writing league

04-22-2020, 10:40 PM	#5
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Short & sweet...sorta like me lol, well I'm 6ft 1 but anyways.Imagery is always great in your pieces, loved the first stanza...would of loved this to be doubled in length bro, really would. Stay you my friend...