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#1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,145
Battle Record: 1-1
Champed - Guerrilla writing league
Rep Power: 19240095 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Candy- “within foreign footsteps murmured amidst the mist
whisper horse grins pushed with hermits last wish to fish my grip on the saddle is handled with blisters dipped these knuckles bridal the strap sinking in as i trot across the rot that wraps from post to nose the scent symmetrically bends the planks back soaked” this was my favorite part of your verse. It also stayed close to the picture and the flow and imagery were best here. I got a little lost in what you were talking about in the chunk of it though. I think if you had kept up with these opening lines and description you would’ve edged this. The rest of the lines read awkward for me, and I had to read your piece over to see if I missed something but still couldn’t quite grasp it Clutbuck- I’m on my phone so for some reason it’s not letting me copy and paste part of your verse the way I did Candy’s. But that whole “mud-drenched footsteps” through the “glacial the glance” was easily my favorite part of your verse. It accurately portrayed the picture and from an imagery standpoint, this was a strong section of your verse. The verbiage was smooth and beautiful to read through honestly. Good work V/ clut |
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