GWL WK 2: Candy vs Clutbuck (CLUTBUCK WINS)

Adverse · 03-27-2020, 12:47 PM

This battle was like a clash of mass vocabulary and vivid imagery. I second Universe as i thought Candy had his high points but i think he got so lost in the essence of his visualization that telling a coherent story got put into the backseat here, kind of hard to follow. The detail and rhyme schemes were on point but the story just wasn't told the way it could have potentially been told. Also the end with the succubus attack gave me mixed feelings especially the "sitting on my face" line just really didn't feel like it belonged. Okay drop nonetheless.

Clutbuck on the other hand, kept his story steadily progressing while giving us a good amount of details and visuals, schemes were dope too. I also liked the alteration you put in here as well and enjoyed your closing lines, wrapped up well for me. Overall think Candy tried to do too much and let Clut squeeze by him here. Decent battle

V/Clutbuck

03-27-2020, 12:47 PM	#8
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	This battle was like a clash of mass vocabulary and vivid imagery. I second Universe as i thought Candy had his high points but i think he got so lost in the essence of his visualization that telling a coherent story got put into the backseat here, kind of hard to follow. The detail and rhyme schemes were on point but the story just wasn't told the way it could have potentially been told. Also the end with the succubus attack gave me mixed feelings especially the "sitting on my face" line just really didn't feel like it belonged. Okay drop nonetheless. Clutbuck on the other hand, kept his story steadily progressing while giving us a good amount of details and visuals, schemes were dope too. I also liked the alteration you put in here as well and enjoyed your closing lines, wrapped up well for me. Overall think Candy tried to do too much and let Clut squeeze by him here. Decent battle V/Clutbuck