GWL WK1: Objective vs Exis [OBJECTIVE WINS]

dead man · 03-17-2020, 11:06 PM

obj:

i loved the rhyming sequence "gingivitis" and tendonitis". the angle of physical maladaptations of life as a career techie gave it a body, something solid to ground your more abstract critiques of the life you can become trapped in. solid contribution. thank you

ex:

same kind of comment as others i guess. i couldn't really hone in on the perspective you are taking here. it seems to be a criticism of shortcomings of your own life and the foundation upon it rests. it almost drifted on the surface of a social commentary and then skimmed elsewhere. you may have become lost in the rhythm and word choice a bit, or so it seemed. technical elements were there, but they did not carry this topic through for me.

v/objective

03-17-2020, 11:06 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	obj: i loved the rhyming sequence "gingivitis" and tendonitis". the angle of physical maladaptations of life as a career techie gave it a body, something solid to ground your more abstract critiques of the life you can become trapped in. solid contribution. thank you ex: same kind of comment as others i guess. i couldn't really hone in on the perspective you are taking here. it seems to be a criticism of shortcomings of your own life and the foundation upon it rests. it almost drifted on the surface of a social commentary and then skimmed elsewhere. you may have become lost in the rhythm and word choice a bit, or so it seemed. technical elements were there, but they did not carry this topic through for me. v/objective __________________ Zack Wicks for president