Unsane...

Exis · 02-17-2020, 08:49 PM

Like vikings spikin' axes,
I am action
Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction
A matter of seconds,
Snatch your synapsis,
This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is
Kill 'em all with them syllables,
That's a miracle yes?
Bitch the damage ain't minimal
Onto the centerfolds,
Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands
Onto the right end not pretendin',
Powered by my descendants
Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper,
Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers
Call me the native sniper,
Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings,
Like Roman kaisers
It's your highness,
Blazin' the page
Your sire spreadin' words,
A intellectual virus
Puttin' wisdom to papyrus,
Like Einstein with butter fingers Ex is droppin' science
Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs,
Spittin' tomahawks
Versus the horde carryin' logs
& stormin' the front vicious,
Victory in New York.

Exis · 02-21-2020, 05:34 AM

Where the love @?...

Universe · 02-21-2020, 07:59 AM

I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin.

I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me.

Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action
Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction
A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis,
This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is
Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes?
Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds...
Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands
Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants
Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper,
Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper,
Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers
It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus
Puttin' wisdom to papyrus...
Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science
Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs,
Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs
& stormin' the front vicious...

Victory in New York.

Blue Bayou · 02-21-2020, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Universe

I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin.

I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me.

Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action
Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction
A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis,
This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is
Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes?
Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds...
Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands
Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants
Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper,
Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper,
Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers
It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus
Puttin' wisdom to papyrus...
Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science
Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs,
Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs
& stormin' the front vicious...

Victory in New York.

Fire swag and flow piece Universe , you killed this Universe

Exis · 02-21-2020, 10:04 AM

I wrote this dumbass @Blue Bayou not @Universe, got it fam...You stuctured it better, thanks.

Blue Bayou · 02-21-2020, 01:59 PM

Really dope stuff @Universe fire piece fam

Was feeling this one

dead man · 02-21-2020, 02:32 PM

Always good to see a @Universe piece, one of my favorite writers here tbh

Master Rock · 02-21-2020, 11:40 PM

haha, brothas trolling.

Blue Bayou · 02-23-2020, 01:09 AM

I'm honestly still kindve in awe over how good this @Universe piece is

Exis · 02-23-2020, 05:44 AM

If your not goin' to give constructive feed on a piece, then fuck out my thread...Black should know better, your a mod yet trollin' me? Smh...As for Blue, your just a faggot nigga.

Dope girl · 02-23-2020, 08:45 AM

This was flameable to me
Work on making your lines Shorter
So be easier to read

Adverse · 02-23-2020, 02:05 PM

All trolling aside i like your piece flows well just missing any true punches in my eyes? But i value punchlines a lot in a piece like thos that might just be personal preference overall i liked this. Can tell you allotted more time than usual to writing it. Good shit

Exis · 02-23-2020, 03:49 PM

Thank you...

02-17-2020, 08:49 PM	#1
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Unsane... Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis, This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes? Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds, Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper, Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers Call me the native sniper, Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings, Like Roman kaisers It's your highness, Blazin' the page Your sire spreadin' words, A intellectual virus Puttin' wisdom to papyrus, Like Einstein with butter fingers Ex is droppin' science Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs, Spittin' tomahawks Versus the horde carryin' logs & stormin' the front vicious, Victory in New York.

02-21-2020, 07:59 AM	#3
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin. I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me. Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis, This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes? Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds... Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper, Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper, Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus Puttin' wisdom to papyrus... Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs, Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs & stormin' the front vicious... Victory in New York. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

02-21-2020, 01:59 PM	#6
Blue Bayou Ukrainian Howlitzers Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,098 Battle Record: 41-24 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - NBL Season 3 - Alias Tournament II - Fight Night XLVIII - Fight Night XXV - Fight Night XV - Fight Night (3x) - Netcees Battle League (4x) - NBL Tag Team Season 3 - Lyric Olympics - 1-2 Punch League (3x) - Battle Arena League (2x) - Key Grand Prix 2018 1/2 - BA Tag - NPL Roast - Netcees Pic League Rep Power: 17502335	Really dope stuff @Universe fire piece fam Was feeling this one __________________ "I shit myself I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip

02-21-2020, 02:32 PM	#7
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	Always good to see a @Universe piece, one of my favorite writers here tbh __________________ Zack Wicks for president

02-21-2020, 11:40 PM	#8
Master Rock Steadily Lurking Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Beyond your reach Posts: 1,391 Battle Record: 7-7 Champed - Netcees Writers League Rep Power: 5599641	haha, brothas trolling. __________________ https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/ https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz

02-21-2020, 05:34 AM	#2
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Where the love @?...

02-21-2020, 10:04 AM	#5
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I wrote this dumbass @Blue Bayou not @Universe, got it fam...You stuctured it better, thanks.

02-23-2020, 01:09 AM	#9
Blue Bayou Ukrainian Howlitzers Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,098 Battle Record: 41-24 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - NBL Season 3 - Alias Tournament II - Fight Night XLVIII - Fight Night XXV - Fight Night XV - Fight Night (3x) - Netcees Battle League (4x) - NBL Tag Team Season 3 - Lyric Olympics - 1-2 Punch League (3x) - Battle Arena League (2x) - Key Grand Prix 2018 1/2 - BA Tag - NPL Roast - Netcees Pic League Rep Power: 17502335	I'm honestly still kindve in awe over how good this @Universe piece is __________________ "I shit myself I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback Uve won" -kungfugrip

02-23-2020, 05:44 AM	#10
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	If your not goin' to give constructive feed on a piece, then fuck out my thread...Black should know better, your a mod yet trollin' me? Smh...As for Blue, your just a faggot nigga.

02-23-2020, 08:45 AM	#11
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,788 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521419	This was flameable to me Work on making your lines Shorter So be easier to read

02-23-2020, 02:05 PM	#12
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	All trolling aside i like your piece flows well just missing any true punches in my eyes? But i value punchlines a lot in a piece like thos that might just be personal preference overall i liked this. Can tell you allotted more time than usual to writing it. Good shit

02-23-2020, 03:49 PM	#13
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Thank you...