Unsane...

Universe · 02-21-2020, 07:59 AM

I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin.

I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me.

Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action
Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction
A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis,
This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is
Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes?
Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds...
Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands
Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants
Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper,
Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper,
Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers
It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus
Puttin' wisdom to papyrus...
Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science
Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs,
Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs
& stormin' the front vicious...

Victory in New York.

02-21-2020, 07:59 AM	#3
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin. I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me. Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis, This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes? Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds... Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper, Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper, Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus Puttin' wisdom to papyrus... Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs, Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs & stormin' the front vicious... Victory in New York. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..