Clowns...

Adverse · 01-26-2020, 01:17 AM

Your closer was sick, the stone cold line onwards were the best bars of the piece. I think you can connect your lines a little better, like make them more releveant to the bar before it it'll bridge your verse together better. Also do a little check on using the correct word before you post

"Makin' you shake and then shiver with punches punctuatin' your lungs"

That should be puncturing, could've been autocorrect idk. Decent drop man keep writing

01-26-2020, 01:17 AM	#4
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Your closer was sick, the stone cold line onwards were the best bars of the piece. I think you can connect your lines a little better, like make them more releveant to the bar before it it'll bridge your verse together better. Also do a little check on using the correct word before you post "Makin' you shake and then shiver with punches punctuatin' your lungs" That should be puncturing, could've been autocorrect idk. Decent drop man keep writing