Summer Classic Topical: Round 1: 6. Innovator Vs. 11.NYCSPITZ [NYC 5-3]

[Objective]

NYCSPITZ: Enjoyed the story quite a bit but felt like you could have polished it a bit more. Seemed like you went "ye, this is good enough to post" and left it at that. I'm only saying this because I've read better and more polished stuff from you earlier, this kind of slacking won't get you far in future rounds if you make it through.

I didn't really like some reptition I saw. It can be pretty cool here and there but I found "had slept with another" and "had said to another" in this particular piece to be lazy altho I see what you're doing.
I also think it wouldn't really make sense to praise "God". It might be semantics and I know that but felt switching up the use of Allah, even if it is to stay away from repetition, didn't make that much sense given the character backgrounds you created for your story. I'm saying this on the basis of Muslims having told me that they would never refer to Allah as "God".

The story however is dope af and filled with emotion along with following the topic really well. Closure was raw and thought you executed the storyline pretty well, just kinda wish you had focused just as hard on other elements in your piece like I've seen you do before.

Innovator: Interesting take on the topic following a repressed woman through the motions of not having a choice yet standing strong. Like NYCSPITZ I felt you were repetitive in a spot in your verse as well but in a different way, I'm thinking about the use of "but" four times in 4 sentences starting at the "They praise her with grace"-line. Your piece was definitely thought provoking and I love that shit, out of all the verses I've read so far this week yours is the one that made me reflect and think the most. I do, however, feel like you didn't quite give it your all this week either and it sucks as I'd love to see both ya in round 2 and the lack of polishing will reflect my vote.

Vote: Thought both did a decent job but I've definitely seen way better pieces from both. It's like both of you just went "the finish line isn't in sight so I'll write some and see where it takes me, if my opponent is lazy maybe it'll hold". That said, I did enjoy NYCSPITZ story and conclusion a bit better than Innovators take on it but overall I think Innovator could have won on consistency and solid showing if he had spent a little more time on it. As it stands now tho, NYCSPITZ gets my vote.

Cool enough battle that could have been way better if both spent just a little more time on em. Keep writing and GL to whoever goes through to the next round.