Summer Classic Topical: Round 1: 1.Witty Vs. 16. Objective [Witty 5-0]

Pharaohs Army · 07-24-2019, 05:46 PM

Witty
Some good technical writing and solid storytelling
In demand from award shows to radio stations
He plays to the nation and bathes in their crazy ovation
He's leaving the stage, and he heads for the door
But they're screaming his name and they're begging for more
In a haze he obeys them..
I like your rhyme scheme here. Good multis and then you return to the first rhyme.

I was interested to see where the story went. I certainly felt it but I wasn't overwhelmed with emotion. Still, I think you did a great job telling a story.

Objective
A very rhymy piece. Interesting work. And there's some quotables in here.
But in a lot of spots it just felt like you were rhyming for the sake of rhyming and confusing me with the content.
For example, in the last stanza
The fact is it's theatrics on all bases, faceless among ageless phases,
cases not subject to races, brainwaves and similar mazes.
It's Atlantis balancing on the head of a ranting mantis
advancing with stoic pride deadened by an extrovert panting frantic.
Flex do work and it's chanting granted its objective is a palace for malice,
Good rhymes, but I'm having trouble finding meaning here.

Don't get me wrong, it's an en entertaining whirlwind, I just don't think it's enough to top Witty this week.

V Witty

07-24-2019, 05:46 PM	#1
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Witty Some good technical writing and solid storytelling In demand from award shows to radio stations He plays to the nation and bathes in their crazy ovation He's leaving the stage, and he heads for the door But they're screaming his name and they're begging for more In a haze he obeys them.. I like your rhyme scheme here. Good multis and then you return to the first rhyme. I was interested to see where the story went. I certainly felt it but I wasn't overwhelmed with emotion. Still, I think you did a great job telling a story. Objective A very rhymy piece. Interesting work. And there's some quotables in here. But in a lot of spots it just felt like you were rhyming for the sake of rhyming and confusing me with the content. For example, in the last stanza The fact is it's theatrics on all bases, faceless among ageless phases, cases not subject to races, brainwaves and similar mazes. It's Atlantis balancing on the head of a ranting mantis advancing with stoic pride deadened by an extrovert panting frantic. Flex do work and it's chanting granted its objective is a palace for malice, Good rhymes, but I'm having trouble finding meaning here. Don't get me wrong, it's an en entertaining whirlwind, I just don't think it's enough to top Witty this week. V Witty Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 07-24-2019 at 05:48 PM.