dance

dead man · 02-10-2019, 12:39 AM

i'm

what the mirror reflects
when all your heroes are dead. forgive me. it's
my yearly regression. peering intensely
into bathtubs, sinkwater, seeking remembrance
weekly cleanses. blood of jericho, O jesus repent
salt in his sentences, ash in his fingers
garlic vinaigrette and salad for dinner, master pretender
novice authentic, bottom of the bottle for breakfast
lipstick collar your evidence, i'm lost for a second
found in a smokestack, gasping for air
life is always unfair, but that's an excuse. i'd rather we share
our personal shortages, our battles, our merits
celebrate our victories, acknowledge ourselves
our whats the matters, who cares, our whatever, it's fines
to quantify the ratios we measure us by
said our goodbyes on stairs we painted purple in Fall
i'm not unnerved, just feeling nervous is all
sweat in my palm. heart in my throat. talking in rotary
art in your jewelry. scars in your hosiery
i'm carbon and dopamine. i just want you to notice me
Jesus Mary and Josephine, asparagus, okra leaves
marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially
there's distance in space. our dynamic feels like Nasa promoted me
out in the open. starship collision our route
that mystery remains - we never figured it out
thats alright by all means if there's a light in the hallway
die like russian doll and live my life in a crawlspace
write me a song, my idols are gone, how do i mourn
for folks i only loved from afar. sorrows abstracted
we walked in borrowed jackets, bonsai gardens in tandem
communicate in tangents linked by all of our tragedies
part casualty, mostly survivor, lonely misguided
cold in crowded rooms and so emotional privately
soma delight, molting nightly, fleshy decay
putting pain on a pedestal like architectural remains
enter your framework. i'm a virus in heat
torn between a past and future out of our reach
as it is. half blitzed, full of passion and nicotine
language of love vs. mathematical symmetry
thats our predicament in a matter of moments
broke apart my rosary to shatter an omen
you're a word never spoken. gravestone dirt in my hand
throw it in the flames and watch us
dance

deadman

Pharaohs Army · 02-10-2019, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead man

art in your jewelry. scars in your hosiery
i'm carbon and dopamine. i just want you to notice me

smooth

Exis · 02-10-2019, 06:51 AM

Get off his dick son, you follow him around way to often...

Pharaohs Army · 02-10-2019, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exis

Get off his dick son, you follow him around way to often...

Well, seeing as me, you, and sinacog are the only ones who comment on open mics....lol

No I'm not on his dick just because I made 2 dead man verses

Pharaohs Army · 02-10-2019, 11:43 AM

I don't tell you to get off Self's dick if you leave him a compliment on one of his pieces do I? No, because I'm a decent human being. You, however, have some complex where you must be an asshole to people. Have you left yet?

Sammy · 02-10-2019, 02:44 PM

jeeezes...

Zaddy · 02-10-2019, 02:52 PM

This was almost as fire as a destroyer verse

dead man · 02-10-2019, 03:36 PM

@Destroyer

@Exis i thought you left bud. that was a pretty dramatic farewell thread you carefully crafted

Sinacog · 02-10-2019, 07:52 PM

'marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially
there's distance in space. our dynamic feels like Nasa promoted me'

this was pretty dope, the architect line was also pretty dope nice.

you always have good prose in your writtens, it's quite stylish and good. i enjoy it, and your flow and rhyme scheme is always on point. nice multi-syllabics and good rhyme scheme with flow..nice one. the topic is pretty cool, i do enjoy it..just a good written on relationship matters..it's pretty cool..I enjoyed it. I do enjoy your writtens, I see you have another OM which I'll read, but nice one man..keep writing..and keep dropping..lol..niice one..

Pharaohs Army · 02-10-2019, 10:40 PM

I was gonna come back here and give you some more detailed feed but it would basically be me just picking out a bunch of phrases which rhyme well and that I thought were cool. Then I'd ask you did you really paint a stairway purple or was that just for a rhyme?

So I don't have any detailed feed; this will have to suffice:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sinacog

you always have good prose in your writtens, it's quite stylish and good. i enjoy it, and your flow and rhyme scheme is always on point. nice multi-syllabics and good rhyme scheme with flow..nice one. the topic is pretty cool, i do enjoy it..just a good written on relationship matters..it's pretty cool..I enjoyed it. I do enjoy your writtens, I see you have another OM which I'll read, but nice one man..keep writing..and keep dropping..lol..niice one..

And maybe if you feed one of Dragon, errr, Sinacog's verses he will stop posting so many

Ok here's something
art in your jewelry. scars in your hosiery
i'm carbon and dopamine. i just want you to notice me
Jesus Mary and Josephine, asparagus, okra leaves
marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially

To me that just looks like you're packing an extra line of rhymes. Like a sense of humor? Cuz you could really cut that third line I've quoted. Go straight from want you to notice me to marry me openly without talking about asparagus and okra leaves.

But granted now it looks like I'm really nitpicking because the verse is very good.

Exis · 02-19-2019, 10:38 PM

I have left bro...

Exis · 02-19-2019, 10:42 PM

@Pharaohs Army...Yeah I have issues man, my bad.

02-10-2019, 12:39 AM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	dance i'm what the mirror reflects when all your heroes are dead. forgive me. it's my yearly regression. peering intensely into bathtubs, sinkwater, seeking remembrance weekly cleanses. blood of jericho, O jesus repent salt in his sentences, ash in his fingers garlic vinaigrette and salad for dinner, master pretender novice authentic, bottom of the bottle for breakfast lipstick collar your evidence, i'm lost for a second found in a smokestack, gasping for air life is always unfair, but that's an excuse. i'd rather we share our personal shortages, our battles, our merits celebrate our victories, acknowledge ourselves our whats the matters, who cares, our whatever, it's fines to quantify the ratios we measure us by said our goodbyes on stairs we painted purple in Fall i'm not unnerved, just feeling nervous is all sweat in my palm. heart in my throat. talking in rotary art in your jewelry. scars in your hosiery i'm carbon and dopamine. i just want you to notice me Jesus Mary and Josephine, asparagus, okra leaves marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially there's distance in space. our dynamic feels like Nasa promoted me out in the open. starship collision our route that mystery remains - we never figured it out thats alright by all means if there's a light in the hallway die like russian doll and live my life in a crawlspace write me a song, my idols are gone, how do i mourn for folks i only loved from afar. sorrows abstracted we walked in borrowed jackets, bonsai gardens in tandem communicate in tangents linked by all of our tragedies part casualty, mostly survivor, lonely misguided cold in crowded rooms and so emotional privately soma delight, molting nightly, fleshy decay putting pain on a pedestal like architectural remains enter your framework. i'm a virus in heat torn between a past and future out of our reach as it is. half blitzed, full of passion and nicotine language of love vs. mathematical symmetry thats our predicament in a matter of moments broke apart my rosary to shatter an omen you're a word never spoken. gravestone dirt in my hand throw it in the flames and watch us dance deadman __________________ Zack Wicks for president Last edited by dead man; 02-10-2019 at 03:34 PM.

02-10-2019, 03:36 PM	#8
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	@Destroyer @Exis i thought you left bud. that was a pretty dramatic farewell thread you carefully crafted __________________ Zack Wicks for president

02-10-2019, 06:51 AM	#3
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Get off his dick son, you follow him around way to often...

02-10-2019, 11:43 AM	#5
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	I don't tell you to get off Self's dick if you leave him a compliment on one of his pieces do I? No, because I'm a decent human being. You, however, have some complex where you must be an asshole to people. Have you left yet?

02-10-2019, 02:44 PM	#6
Sammy Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2015 Posts: 103 Champed - Write Week 7 Rep Power: 3415776	jeeezes...

02-10-2019, 07:52 PM	#9
Sinacog R.Killsbury 3000 Join Date: Dec 2018 Posts: 2,299 Battle Record: 4-25 Rep Power: 8129215	'marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially there's distance in space. our dynamic feels like Nasa promoted me' this was pretty dope, the architect line was also pretty dope nice. you always have good prose in your writtens, it's quite stylish and good. i enjoy it, and your flow and rhyme scheme is always on point. nice multi-syllabics and good rhyme scheme with flow..nice one. the topic is pretty cool, i do enjoy it..just a good written on relationship matters..it's pretty cool..I enjoyed it. I do enjoy your writtens, I see you have another OM which I'll read, but nice one man..keep writing..and keep dropping..lol..niice one..

02-19-2019, 10:38 PM	#11
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I have left bro...

02-19-2019, 10:42 PM	#12
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	@Pharaohs Army...Yeah I have issues man, my bad.