02-01-2019, 08:15 PM | #2 |
Sini
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,200
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129212 |
The Battle for the sun -
He sat in the castle; gracious as wine; King Nebuchadnezzar taste was divine His fragrance was pride; elation with light; always summoning plight He was king of all Babylon; his soldier's sang the cattle's song For with each sharp sword; he had a Maverick's jaw In the mist of war with Israel; Nebuchadnezzar was a ruler of rummage If they came into his land; he'd take their jewls from their mouths; and suck the succulence Every moon and sun was a battle; Mesopotamia had demons and kings Yet Israel had the land of a fling, and God as their sing Nebuchadnezzar's soldier's held Israel's soldier's as hostility's drawn For with bows and arrows and swords flying through air; we sea darkness dawn Night became day, day became night; Nebuchadnezzar had a advantage When he pushes the soldier's back as wit' tactic; he would sink Israel like Atlantis That's when a man of great courage; came out of the dismal King David wielding a slingshot; would bring the sun back to Israel Israel's men never sought to retreat; their prayers were heard by God For with King David's vast skill; he'd snipe the king's soldier's like lightning rods King Nebuchadnezzar's sin was cast out with the sun; Israel held discern for dark For when King Nebuchadnezzar held the sun for brink; it was a burning star Israel holds the sun for light; as they retreat; prior to the king's compel They fought bravely; and conquered a demon in a land of hell King David confronts King Nebuchadnezzar; in his hellish land And shoots his slingshot at the star; saying 'give me my sun back' |
02-02-2019, 04:15 AM | #3 |
Sini
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,200
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129212 |
New Topic?
Or you can write to the cat picture..we can do a topical battle like that? Lol? |
02-02-2019, 10:10 AM | #4 |
Badgerdick
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 22685549 |
Sharp wanted the cat picture as our topic
He selected it before you even made this thread tbh |
02-02-2019, 10:58 AM | #5 |
Sini
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,200
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129212 |
This is our concluded topic..we'll write to this and post soon..or something..lol..good luck! |
02-02-2019, 03:18 PM | #6 |
Sini
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,200
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129212 |
The Mouse and The Cat -
Once upon a time, there was a Cat and Mouse; in a crafty house The cat and mouse played tricks on each other; but only the cat would dare arouse For the cat did not let the mouse out of the hole in the wall; his soul was at halt The mouse was frightened; he did not know what to do; he needed to turn his heart of coal to malt If the mouse left the hole; he would be eaten; and ravaged with claws and teeth So he stayed in his hole; with all his cheese; saying the cat better not copy me The cat put his face and claw in the hole; this was a cat chase The mouse did not let the cat in; as he threw a piece of cheese at the cat's face The cat dared arouse; so the mouse responded; it's like the house was haunted For the whole house had trails of the cat and mouse game; they taunted and daunted The cat was not scared of the mouse; he wanted to eat the mouse for lunch For the mouse tasted like cheese to the cat; he remembered when his tongue was drunk One day while they were playing cat and mouse; the mouse went inside the hole He decided to never come out; till' the cat left; that was his goal The mouse not dare arouse; until the cat went outside to the neighborhood The mouse reached his goal; and saved himself and his cheese for good |
02-02-2019, 05:48 PM | #7 |
Badgerdick
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 22685549 |
Let’s stick to the facts; I don’t know who you are but I’ve an itch that needs scratching and you’re brown-nosing me hard. Poking your smarmy snout all up in my business while I show no regard for you pussy-whipped Pinkies. I’ve been dusting off dingleberries in my own back yard for way too long to be giving a lone rats arse. If you’re so damn smart then you’ll quit while ahead ‘cause these old fangs sharp enough to rip you to shreds. Don’t think that we’re friends just because we share a vicinity you exist ‘cause I let you. I dare you to disagree. Beware of my gritted teeth. Cat and mouse? Hardly. This is a tabby outsmarting a haggard house varmint. You ran around marking your path on our carpet while I sat and crouched, arching my back to pounce. Snarling. It had you downhearted at my reluctance to play but the trap had now snarled you as I sprung into place! You’re lucky I ate you alive. The kill would have been more ruthless. Just don’t bug me, okay? I can’t stomach the taste of sore losers. |
02-03-2019, 11:16 AM | #8 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,267
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
__________________
- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) |
02-03-2019, 12:32 PM | #9 |
HE / HIM / FRAC
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 11,592
Battle Record: 56-21
Accomplishments - 50+ Wins
Champed - The Ultimate Writer
- NBL Cypher
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 12601535 |
Excuse me breaking it down like a battle verse sometimes. It's what I know
Once upon a time, there was a Cat and Mouse; in a crafty house The cat and mouse played tricks on each other; but only the cat would dare arouse I'm honestly not sure what the phrase in either end rhyme means - crafty house and only the cat would dare arouse. I'm getting nursery rhyme vibes, but not coherent nursery rhyme vibes For the cat did not let the mouse out of the hole in the wall; his soul was at halt The mouse was frightened; he did not know what to do; he needed to turn his heart of coal to malt again, I'm getting the gist of a story from the first half of lines but wtf do you mean soul at a halt and coal to malt. Like the grain? If the mouse left the hole; he would be eaten; and ravaged with claws and teeth So he stayed in his hole; with all his cheese; saying the cat better not copy me The cat put his face and claw in the hole; this was a cat chase The mouse did not let the cat in; as he threw a piece of cheese at the cat's face I'm guessing this is the action? But it's not overly interesting The cat dared arouse; so the mouse responded; it's like the house was haunted For the whole house had trails of the cat and mouse game; they taunted and daunted I hate this kind of double end rhyme in most scenarios. I kind of like the idea of the house being 'haunted' by trails from previous chases, though idk if it's the best way to describe it, it's solid imagery The cat was not scared of the mouse; he wanted to eat the mouse for lunch For the mouse tasted like cheese to the cat; he remembered when his tongue was drunk One day while they were playing cat and mouse; the mouse went inside the hole He decided to never come out; till' the cat left; that was his goal The mouse not dare arouse; until the cat went outside to the neighborhood The mouse reached his goal; and saved himself and his cheese for good this strikes me as a really anticlimactic ending despite how little a climax there was. There's just... No more cat attacking mouse? And it ends when the cat goes outside? You know someone probably lets that cat back in right? Overall, it seemed like you tried to tell a story, but didn't do it too well. Felt like a rhyme was more important than the lines themselves which led to some odd phrases. Too many ideas undeveloped and it kind of flowed like a wordy Dr Seuss thing. Let’s stick to the facts; I don’t know who you are but I’ve an itch that needs scratching and you’re brown-nosing me hard. like how this sets up everything as a clever take on the pic Poking your smarmy snout all up in my business while I show no regard for you pussy-whipped Pinkies. I’ve been dusting off dingleberries in my own back yard for way too long to be giving a lone rats arse. If you’re so damn smart then you’ll quit while ahead ‘cause these old fangs sharp enough to rip you to shreds. Don’t think that we’re friends just because we share a vicinity you exist ‘cause I let you. I dare you to disagree. Beware of my gritted teeth. Cat and mouse? Hardly. This is a tabby outsmarting a haggard house varmint. You ran around marking your path on our carpet while I sat and crouched, arching my back to pounce. Snarling. this is pretty well written, imo. Enjoyed the use of short lines to give emphasis to certain things and break up the reading. Almost makes you read it in your head in with a curt, cold, businesslike delivery It had you downhearted at my reluctance to play but the trap had now snarled you as I sprung into place! You’re lucky I ate you alive. The kill would have been more ruthless. ^Dope Just don’t bug me, okay? I can’t stomach the taste of sore losers. Thought this was a pretty creative take on the topic and it read well. Lars definitely had the better verse technically and imo a more interesting take on the pic V/lars btw, I don't have permissions in here, so I can't open this up Last edited by Sharp; 02-03-2019 at 02:10 PM. |
02-03-2019, 03:06 PM | #10 |
DMS—Diddled My Stick
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,104
Rep Power: 0 |
Tbh Sugmacog was kinda trash.
Lars came with some heat in some cases V/Lars |
02-07-2019, 11:49 PM | #11 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
v. Lars.
__________________
If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
06-26-2019, 05:14 PM | #12 |
Wreckin em
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: TN
Posts: 69
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 0 |
I dont understand if it's a topical battle or a battle with a topic. Topical to me would typically indicate a story or more prose-oriented piece typically not in relation to the opponent and focusing more on poetic aesthetic and less on competitive rhetoric. Lars did some stuff with his entry, but for the above reasons I'm gonna vote sin for his vocab, story telling and I guess for being more on topic, idk. Lars got a few votes so let's keep it interesting.
Vote - sin Lars up 3-1
__________________
|
08-09-2019, 10:50 AM | #13 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Fuck...Diablo is Lars? Great lol..Our battle will go 87 - zip.
|
08-09-2019, 02:51 PM | #14 |
B on the look out
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Not being seen
Posts: 785
Rep Power: 0 |
|
08-09-2019, 05:54 PM | #15 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Lol...Like I have the time to give a fuck about everyones 28 different aliases nigga, I don't live on here like you bitch.
|
08-09-2019, 07:06 PM | #16 |
B on the look out
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Not being seen
Posts: 785
Rep Power: 0 |
...7 years...
|
08-10-2019, 03:50 AM | #17 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
6...& just 'cause I joined back then doesn't mean I'm here daily, I may log in 40 times in a week then go on some hiatus for like a year...Gotta attend to my canines remember?
|
Tags |
sinacog bodies lars itt |
|
|