Sinacog vs Objective - OBJECTIVE WINS

Sharp · 01-23-2019, 03:50 PM

First, good shit on dropping so early. I'm probably gonna come off as overly critical here but I get nitpicky for the culture.

Okay, from a rules perspective, Sinacog is entitled to go up to 16 since he dropped first, and Objective, dropping 10, is willfully acknowledging that those extra lines can count against him.

I'm a christian preacher, my sermon has voice - I'm sending you to hell with flames as a germ for the void
Let's play hide and seek with the pistol, my bursting has noise - If 'Objective A Bomb' we're playing Search and Destroy
I like that this is a name flip that works both ways. I don't think it was the most effectively worded and imo took forever to get there. The entire setup has no connection to the punch - this is like telling a joke where the setup is basically the start of a different joke. The wording is more focused on the rhyming here and leads to some nonsense that just takes away from the full two line bar.
With the pistol, I'm blasting bars - I'm Sinacog, while you're 'acog in the wheel' with the fastest cars
I'll sun you, and you wouldn't be a gaseous star - and I'll 'choke the blue out of this man' to make him look like his avatar
this is kind of weirdly worded all over - the setup is trying to be its own punches but it doesn't hit and 'choke the blue out of this man' (unless I'm out on the loop) isn't really a phrase. Plus, avatar flips are rarely that hot, and if they are, it's in the delivery. This just went for a simile, which is already all over the place in a battle verse
When I blast the pistol, the slug will hit him - I'll show you what I have in store when I 'rob you on the streets' - it's none of your fucking business
This is a Big Pun all over again, I'll hit you with a drunken guinness! - I'll grab the pistol and ''give you two caps' that's a double fitted
I actually like the punch but it took forever to get there. I like that the setup is related, but I could do without the extra rhymes for the sake of rhyming like 'drunken Guinness'. It just makes the whole bar clunky imo
If you grab the pistol, I'll snitch on you capisce' - when I grab the pistol, this bitch will be deceased
Forget your birth, you're a glitch or a disease - when it comes to Objective, and he 'digs for personal' he's like a bitch of the police
When I grab the pistols, it's like a college graduation - I'll leave you with caps, please! You could 'roll cocaine in weed leafs' you still wouldn't be a rap fiend!
there's so much going on here thag I could see working for a live battle rap if not for the awkward phrases. Honestly, I would've preferred seeing any one of these developed. You have like 3 jabs here but the graduation cap concept could be given some shine and turn into the best punch of your verse
Try to steal the show, and I'll snap thief - he's a topical head - so when he's venting, I'll 'air him out' till' he can't breathe
probably your best wording on a concept that isn't great, but I feel like we getting somewhere
I'm a knight, and I'll slay this brook - you couldn't 'see the light' with David Cook
the Bible is my favorite book - but I'll grab the pistol, and 'POP you in the Hood' like fathers in poor neighborhoods
Rook, and again, the way you're cramming little jabs in makes this more cluttered and less effective.
I'll grab the pistol, and I'm out for blood to dump this thief in the crypt - you're a wack rapper - believe you are him
When I rap, I'm deceiving this kid - we don't care about your lines, we're like Ludacris - saying 'Move bitch get out the way' like cheating spouses leaving the crib
Everything about this is clunky. Setup is addressing him in like two ways and the punch is your attempt at a wordplay crammed between two smilies?
My topicals are a rapping anthem, you're a peasant - while I'm Mickey Mouse casting magic
When you write, your raps are tragic - this scared pussy's going to no-show, you'll 'see this kid going ghost' faster than Danny Phantom
Going ghost/Danny phantom is nice. Def didn't need the pic. But it's a bunch of rhymes and the main punch is so drawn out (from this scared..... To the end) that it's ineffective wording within an ineffectively constructed bar

There were punches that could win this battle in here hidden and muddled badly.

You're the average Hentai eccentric that's too easy to battle with,
ideas so bad vets couldn't climax your verses even if ten tackles it.
This I awkwardly worded and the flip itself 'ten tackles/tentacles' is weird in my accent, plus it doesn't really make sense as 'ten tackles' itself
I hate illiterate jews rocking pedobear costumes at Comic-Con,
so put a face to your name and tell me where you draw logic from.
I do not understand this at all
It's a horror show to say the least, on Netcees you stay deceased,
no rape victim either; this faggot used his allowance to pay the priest.
This is a goofy idea but the punch itself isn't really based on anything and comes out statementy
You manifested the wack-kin, it runs in your blood to part doubt,
don't listen to advice if someone tells you to write your heart out.
Funny idea but the wording could be way harder. And again, it could be less statement-y
Couldn't text worse with deaf/blind downs kids for the write up,
you call the cops for shit you didn't do just to get a good line up.
I like this idea. I feel like it could be worded meaner, but it hits.
Can't hide that cheap 90s vibe, you got nothing to sell here,
no one buys the style from The Fresh Prince of Welfare.
This is the kind of idea that would kill it in a roast but is kind of underwhelming for a whole bar. You have two lines to make a whole punch, and I could see this in the setup of a much harder bar

Tbh, I thought Sinacog might win after seeing his verse, but objective takes it, imo, on this lineup line. It was done well enough to stand out. Sinacog could've won, imo, if some of his concepts - I'm thinking specifically the graduation cap and Danny Phantom - were actually given some love instead of being thrown into the mix for 2 seconds then moved on. Sinacog, let the concepts come first, word them well, then rhyme so much last. Objective, conceptually, try to think more like a pun or a joke - set up the double meaning thing to surprise the reader a bit more - as opposed to a discussion style diss/roast. Both of you feel free to hmu whenever for any tips/advice on your next verses or whatever.

V/objective

01-23-2019, 03:50 PM	#7
Sharp HE / HIM / FRAC Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: PA Posts: 11,592 Battle Record: 56-21 Accomplishments - 50+ Wins Champed - The Ultimate Writer - NBL Cypher - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 12601538	First, good shit on dropping so early. I'm probably gonna come off as overly critical here but I get nitpicky for the culture. Okay, from a rules perspective, Sinacog is entitled to go up to 16 since he dropped first, and Objective, dropping 10, is willfully acknowledging that those extra lines can count against him. I'm a christian preacher, my sermon has voice - I'm sending you to hell with flames as a germ for the void Let's play hide and seek with the pistol, my bursting has noise - If 'Objective A Bomb' we're playing Search and Destroy I like that this is a name flip that works both ways. I don't think it was the most effectively worded and imo took forever to get there. The entire setup has no connection to the punch - this is like telling a joke where the setup is basically the start of a different joke. The wording is more focused on the rhyming here and leads to some nonsense that just takes away from the full two line bar. With the pistol, I'm blasting bars - I'm Sinacog, while you're 'acog in the wheel' with the fastest cars I'll sun you, and you wouldn't be a gaseous star - and I'll 'choke the blue out of this man' to make him look like his avatar this is kind of weirdly worded all over - the setup is trying to be its own punches but it doesn't hit and 'choke the blue out of this man' (unless I'm out on the loop) isn't really a phrase. Plus, avatar flips are rarely that hot, and if they are, it's in the delivery. This just went for a simile, which is already all over the place in a battle verse When I blast the pistol, the slug will hit him - I'll show you what I have in store when I 'rob you on the streets' - it's none of your fucking business This is a Big Pun all over again, I'll hit you with a drunken guinness! - I'll grab the pistol and ''give you two caps' that's a double fitted I actually like the punch but it took forever to get there. I like that the setup is related, but I could do without the extra rhymes for the sake of rhyming like 'drunken Guinness'. It just makes the whole bar clunky imo If you grab the pistol, I'll snitch on you capisce' - when I grab the pistol, this bitch will be deceased Forget your birth, you're a glitch or a disease - when it comes to Objective, and he 'digs for personal' he's like a bitch of the police When I grab the pistols, it's like a college graduation - I'll leave you with caps, please! You could 'roll cocaine in weed leafs' you still wouldn't be a rap fiend! there's so much going on here thag I could see working for a live battle rap if not for the awkward phrases. Honestly, I would've preferred seeing any one of these developed. You have like 3 jabs here but the graduation cap concept could be given some shine and turn into the best punch of your verse Try to steal the show, and I'll snap thief - he's a topical head - so when he's venting, I'll 'air him out' till' he can't breathe probably your best wording on a concept that isn't great, but I feel like we getting somewhere I'm a knight, and I'll slay this brook - you couldn't 'see the light' with David Cook the Bible is my favorite book - but I'll grab the pistol, and 'POP you in the Hood' like fathers in poor neighborhoods Rook, and again, the way you're cramming little jabs in makes this more cluttered and less effective. I'll grab the pistol, and I'm out for blood to dump this thief in the crypt - you're a wack rapper - believe you are him When I rap, I'm deceiving this kid - we don't care about your lines, we're like Ludacris - saying 'Move bitch get out the way' like cheating spouses leaving the crib Everything about this is clunky. Setup is addressing him in like two ways and the punch is your attempt at a wordplay crammed between two smilies? My topicals are a rapping anthem, you're a peasant - while I'm Mickey Mouse casting magic When you write, your raps are tragic - this scared pussy's going to no-show, you'll 'see this kid going ghost' faster than Danny Phantom Going ghost/Danny phantom is nice. Def didn't need the pic. But it's a bunch of rhymes and the main punch is so drawn out (from this scared..... To the end) that it's ineffective wording within an ineffectively constructed bar There were punches that could win this battle in here hidden and muddled badly. You're the average Hentai eccentric that's too easy to battle with, ideas so bad vets couldn't climax your verses even if ten tackles it. This I awkwardly worded and the flip itself 'ten tackles/tentacles' is weird in my accent, plus it doesn't really make sense as 'ten tackles' itself I hate illiterate jews rocking pedobear costumes at Comic-Con, so put a face to your name and tell me where you draw logic from. I do not understand this at all It's a horror show to say the least, on Netcees you stay deceased, no rape victim either; this faggot used his allowance to pay the priest. This is a goofy idea but the punch itself isn't really based on anything and comes out statementy You manifested the wack-kin, it runs in your blood to part doubt, don't listen to advice if someone tells you to write your heart out. Funny idea but the wording could be way harder. And again, it could be less statement-y Couldn't text worse with deaf/blind downs kids for the write up, you call the cops for shit you didn't do just to get a good line up. I like this idea. I feel like it could be worded meaner, but it hits. Can't hide that cheap 90s vibe, you got nothing to sell here, no one buys the style from The Fresh Prince of Welfare. This is the kind of idea that would kill it in a roast but is kind of underwhelming for a whole bar. You have two lines to make a whole punch, and I could see this in the setup of a much harder bar Tbh, I thought Sinacog might win after seeing his verse, but objective takes it, imo, on this lineup line. It was done well enough to stand out. Sinacog could've won, imo, if some of his concepts - I'm thinking specifically the graduation cap and Danny Phantom - were actually given some love instead of being thrown into the mix for 2 seconds then moved on. Sinacog, let the concepts come first, word them well, then rhyme so much last. Objective, conceptually, try to think more like a pun or a joke - set up the double meaning thing to surprise the reader a bit more - as opposed to a discussion style diss/roast. Both of you feel free to hmu whenever for any tips/advice on your next verses or whatever. V/objective