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Old 11-18-2018, 02:07 AM   #5
Adonis
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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Art - I enjoyed this though I felt there were a couple wording issues in terms of flow only, not really grammatical. I assume this was a drone strike, and if so, I wish you had relayed that fact in some way. There's power in exploring a few meaningful details in depth. All in all though, you still have a knack for telling a full story in few words. I'm used to you tugging on the heart strings a bit more, and I think if you chose to take your time and flesh this one out it could be much better, regardless of the oft used concept, your style shined above the errors. Good shit as always bruhv.


Rock - E-Rek from Bboys/PR I assume, glad your around still putting in work. But if it is you, WTF you leave san diego for chicago...That's going backward guy. Moving on....Fitting topic given ur background. While I enjoyed this verse, it felt lacking at points. The dream sequence where you quickly touched on the echoes and thoughts that haunt the soldier, that could've been a powerful tool utitlized in this verse, but you barely glanced over it.


Good battle, given topic such a commoners topic I think you both did well with, I mean it's hard to write something new let alone with a soldier topic. With that said, I wish you both had a fresher angle, though, as I said, I enjoyed each read. However, there is a clear winner in my eyes. One verse was more direct and the better inners and overall flow in my eyes.


v/ Artifice

close bout, but he had the stronger hand IMO
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