Pig.

Pharaohs Army · 07-11-2018, 02:11 AM

This is older but I think I should feed this since my previous post was rude and random.

Ok so this line near the beginning
License, registration and a bucket list of felonies.
I felt it hurt the piece from a rhyme perspective. But I suppose it's 'okay'; not every line has to rhyme.

After that it really picked up for me and your rhymes were on point.

I really dug the 3rd stanza
My favorite part of the piece
“Pig.” The job prescribes a head-down, stubborn mentality
where following commands is rewarded with government salary,
a gun and some power. See, it’s the vocation of broken jocks
who once assumed authority over nerds, grunts and loner goths.
The cap and the nightstick form the silhouette of an enemy,
a brute force of capital gains with death as a penalty.
The streets remain the home of cracks, crack and homelessness,
unprotected as we swig and pass back the opiates.
They’re told to only keep us off Nasdaq and Park Ave.
as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us.
The corner: A training ground for both the cops and the thugs,
where the stakes are cardboard caskets and fatherless sons.
So we resent them, boys in blue posted up on our hard streets
who strut to the drums of black bodies thudding on concrete.
I was gonna quote a part of this, but you know what I love the whole damn stanza so I'll quote the whole thing.

Liked the broken jocks/ loner goths rhyme.

as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us.
Love those 2 syllable phrases (3 in a row)

Again, I think this stanza is the most impactful of the 4.
Great work there.

07-11-2018, 02:11 AM	#13
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	This is older but I think I should feed this since my previous post was rude and random. Ok so this line near the beginning License, registration and a bucket list of felonies. I felt it hurt the piece from a rhyme perspective. But I suppose it's 'okay'; not every line has to rhyme. After that it really picked up for me and your rhymes were on point. I really dug the 3rd stanza My favorite part of the piece “Pig.” The job prescribes a head-down, stubborn mentality where following commands is rewarded with government salary, a gun and some power. See, it’s the vocation of broken jocks who once assumed authority over nerds, grunts and loner goths. The cap and the nightstick form the silhouette of an enemy, a brute force of capital gains with death as a penalty. The streets remain the home of cracks, crack and homelessness, unprotected as we swig and pass back the opiates. They’re told to only keep us off Nasdaq and Park Ave. as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us. The corner: A training ground for both the cops and the thugs, where the stakes are cardboard caskets and fatherless sons. So we resent them, boys in blue posted up on our hard streets who strut to the drums of black bodies thudding on concrete. I was gonna quote a part of this, but you know what I love the whole damn stanza so I'll quote the whole thing. Liked the broken jocks/ loner goths rhyme. as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us. Love those 2 syllable phrases (3 in a row) Again, I think this stanza is the most impactful of the 4. Great work there.