Wet like water

[Introvert]

I think the potential here is weighed down by the cliches you chose to include. For example:

"Dying inside to spit rhymes on my mind
my verses are hearses you come catch a ride
Giving you tours of the place I reside
trapped in my head with these dark thoughts of mine"

That last line kills the absolute brilliant verses/hearses metaphor. Just about every emo rapper/poet on earth has said "dark thoughts of mine" in one form or another, and in order to include it these days, you need to go beyond and expand on what those thoughts are. This appears to be your major problem: you say something without going into detail, so all of the observations seem trite. Without personalizing the lyrics, you're just saying what other people have said before.

"killing my happiness time after time
so I get high to feel somewhat alive
When I come down man I just wanna die
so overwhelmed with my life I could cry"

Why? What it is about your life, in particular, that makes you want to die/cry? I get that you're trying to fit a set length or beat or whatever in most cases, but your focus should be on explaining, rather than just saying. That explanation is where the song it.

I don't mean to sound harsh, so I apologize if it came off that way.
Focus on the details and you'll be much better for it.

[Mediocrity]

Originally Posted by Introvert

I think the potential here is weighed down by the cliches you chose to include. For example:

"Dying inside to spit rhymes on my mind
my verses are hearses you come catch a ride
Giving you tours of the place I reside
trapped in my head with these dark thoughts of mine"

That last line kills the absolute brilliant verses/hearses metaphor. Just about every emo rapper/poet on earth has said "dark thoughts of mine" in one form or another, and in order to include it these days, you need to go beyond and expand on what those thoughts are. This appears to be your major problem: you say something without going into detail, so all of the observations seem trite. Without personalizing the lyrics, you're just saying what other people have said before.

"killing my happiness time after time
so I get high to feel somewhat alive
When I come down man I just wanna die
so overwhelmed with my life I could cry"

Why? What it is about your life, in particular, that makes you want to die/cry? I get that you're trying to fit a set length or beat or whatever in most cases, but your focus should be on explaining, rather than just saying. That explanation is where the song it.

I don't mean to sound harsh, so I apologize if it came off that way.
Focus on the details and you'll be much better for it.

Repped