DEADMAN: PSYCHOSIS

dead man · 03-30-2018, 10:00 PM

how do you say

i'm a mouse in a cage
run whatever wheel around amounting to praise
rusty blade to back to get you out of the way
victimizing self for 20 hours a day
4am in cemeteries counting the graves
Mausoleum monastery bounded in chains
paranoid anxiety and power and labels
chair of the committee when we're turning a table
searching mazes blindly masquerading as life
theres always pain to lie about and faces to swipe
places to hideaway for safety rediscover your pride
anything it takes to feel like something inside.
recovery in grieving there's a powerful bind
breaking out of habit our complacence provided
relying on routine to get a structure designed
our world collapses in upon itself, so we rise.
cherokee to ten-cat alley softened your smile
bourbon barrel aged on coaster, talked for a while
dimly lit the creaky floors, the billiards cue
our bodies shifting musically, searching eachother
for a question, a clue - some psychosis, a truth
a sign that we're coping. skin and slobber and youth
said hello with a hug. yelled farewell with excuses
for why it wasn't ever exclusive. so it goes
selfish abuse, it's a pattern i am yet to diffuse
answer it with exercise and sexual pursuits
whatever i've collected is an empty reminder
of what i left behind in the fire,
let it go
travel for a piece of mind, a sign of yourself
participation trophies still belong on a shelf.
so i say.. who am i, but a meager persona
who views the world thru whiskey and a liter of cola
bedside table lamplight. an Aleve, a Corona
our secret aroma. leave me in immediate coma
keep me alone. i'm best at home. senior recluse
better at the game of life than being a human
re: divide, sanctified thru rhythm & blues
a vinyl that the Tidal generation refused
i hope you're here with me. truly, i do
we're a ways down the rabbit hole i tunneled for you
see me as true. let me express, let me rely
there's very few things I can maintain til I die
dirty sky. earthen peak we've been buried for weeks
your touch bavarian cream, a stairwell in Greece
where we married our dreams. showers and sheets
hostel faraway reaches, turning frost into heat
sandy mountain beaches salt perfuming the wave
my heart is archaeology, a tomb of remains
who are you to say that i'm student of change
when i've felt the same way since i could doodle a face
keep the pace, walking softly like assassins in snow
hickory the oars we used to paddle the boat
halfway past nirvana we split sandwich and scones
recollecting memories we had on the road
past, always past
let her scatter me soul.
have me feeling incomplete in places unknown
let it grow. insurmountable allergic to life
curbing my enthusiasm bourbon and sprite
women feeling sweeter than a turkish delight
grinding down their bones with all my personal vices
i am a perk of enticement, con of seeking a soul
capable of more than recreational ghosting
basically i'm basic. slash bacterial host
clutching to a string like ceremonial floats
help me please. you're reading this and know we're the same
vindicate my only escape - this home on the range
it only takes, a moment to choke
yet here we stand
caught in the riptides so
psychosis,
she wrote

black

Geno · 03-31-2018, 07:53 AM

I just stsrted writing about my old love. my 1st bm.
This ones for you deadman. I hope you read it and i rly hope.you enjoy it as much as you used to.enjoy my writing on nc1.

Will tag you in it. Pz

Rude · 03-31-2018, 09:28 AM

I would normally do a more thorough breakdown and highlight which lines hit the hardest and what stuck out more, but I get the sense that you don't need me to do that as your wording has specifically highlighted those things. All I can say to this is Bravo...

Excellent work here. Wording/Flow/Prose/Literary Devices and content were all brilliantly used to tell your story and provoke emotion.

Geno · 03-31-2018, 10:09 AM

Also. What rude said. Apologies for not sticking more to your piece. But know this. Reading it inspired me to write my own. Which doesnt happen often anymore. And the heartbreak i feel here pulled a touch of my own out from the past that i wanted to share with you. (This bit was supposed to be posted in a different thread. Refer to the bottom) -apologies. Somehow i got twisted in threads

As i sit here and re read this.. Moments like. "Curbing my enthusiasm bourbon and sprite" just hit me like godamn. The simple yet difficult play of syllables that come so rapid but paint so vividly just amazes me sometimes man. Love your work

dead man · 04-09-2018, 02:15 PM

Thank you Geno and tagger I guess?

Exis · 04-16-2018, 10:17 AM

Apart from Copy, you probably have the most flawless flow on the board...& the fact your so intellectual with it makes for a pretty perfect verse...I can't fault this, I really wanna lol...but can't :)

Good shit man, stay upwards.

El Muffin · 04-16-2018, 11:27 AM

Don't even read many topicals but this guys work always has managed to grasp me

Certain one liners that are just immediately felt

Faces to swipe etc

Love your work I just usually admire from a distance

03-30-2018, 10:00 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,469 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	DEADMAN: PSYCHOSIS how do you say i'm a mouse in a cage run whatever wheel around amounting to praise rusty blade to back to get you out of the way victimizing self for 20 hours a day 4am in cemeteries counting the graves Mausoleum monastery bounded in chains paranoid anxiety and power and labels chair of the committee when we're turning a table searching mazes blindly masquerading as life theres always pain to lie about and faces to swipe places to hideaway for safety rediscover your pride anything it takes to feel like something inside. recovery in grieving there's a powerful bind breaking out of habit our complacence provided relying on routine to get a structure designed our world collapses in upon itself, so we rise. cherokee to ten-cat alley softened your smile bourbon barrel aged on coaster, talked for a while dimly lit the creaky floors, the billiards cue our bodies shifting musically, searching eachother for a question, a clue - some psychosis, a truth a sign that we're coping. skin and slobber and youth said hello with a hug. yelled farewell with excuses for why it wasn't ever exclusive. so it goes selfish abuse, it's a pattern i am yet to diffuse answer it with exercise and sexual pursuits whatever i've collected is an empty reminder of what i left behind in the fire, let it go travel for a piece of mind, a sign of yourself participation trophies still belong on a shelf. so i say.. who am i, but a meager persona who views the world thru whiskey and a liter of cola bedside table lamplight. an Aleve, a Corona our secret aroma. leave me in immediate coma keep me alone. i'm best at home. senior recluse better at the game of life than being a human re: divide, sanctified thru rhythm & blues a vinyl that the Tidal generation refused i hope you're here with me. truly, i do we're a ways down the rabbit hole i tunneled for you see me as true. let me express, let me rely there's very few things I can maintain til I die dirty sky. earthen peak we've been buried for weeks your touch bavarian cream, a stairwell in Greece where we married our dreams. showers and sheets hostel faraway reaches, turning frost into heat sandy mountain beaches salt perfuming the wave my heart is archaeology, a tomb of remains who are you to say that i'm student of change when i've felt the same way since i could doodle a face keep the pace, walking softly like assassins in snow hickory the oars we used to paddle the boat halfway past nirvana we split sandwich and scones recollecting memories we had on the road past, always past let her scatter me soul. have me feeling incomplete in places unknown let it grow. insurmountable allergic to life curbing my enthusiasm bourbon and sprite women feeling sweeter than a turkish delight grinding down their bones with all my personal vices i am a perk of enticement, con of seeking a soul capable of more than recreational ghosting basically i'm basic. slash bacterial host clutching to a string like ceremonial floats help me please. you're reading this and know we're the same vindicate my only escape - this home on the range it only takes, a moment to choke yet here we stand caught in the riptides so psychosis, she wrote black __________________ Zack Wicks for president Last edited by dead man; 04-16-2018 at 07:56 PM.

03-31-2018, 07:53 AM	#2
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,330 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	I just stsrted writing about my old love. my 1st bm. This ones for you deadman. I hope you read it and i rly hope.you enjoy it as much as you used to.enjoy my writing on nc1. Will tag you in it. Pz __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est* Last edited by Geno; 03-31-2018 at 09:23 AM.

03-31-2018, 10:09 AM	#4
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,330 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Also. What rude said. Apologies for not sticking more to your piece. But know this. Reading it inspired me to write my own. Which doesnt happen often anymore. And the heartbreak i feel here pulled a touch of my own out from the past that i wanted to share with you. (This bit was supposed to be posted in a different thread. Refer to the bottom) -apologies. Somehow i got twisted in threads As i sit here and re read this.. Moments like. "Curbing my enthusiasm bourbon and sprite" just hit me like godamn. The simple yet difficult play of syllables that come so rapid but paint so vividly just amazes me sometimes man. Love your work __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est* Last edited by Geno; 03-31-2018 at 10:38 AM.

04-09-2018, 02:15 PM	#5
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,469 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	Thank you Geno and tagger I guess? __________________ Zack Wicks for president

04-16-2018, 11:27 AM	#7
El Muffin DOHpe since 02' Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Surrounded by white ppl Posts: 14,693 Battle Record: 43-24 Champed - Netcees Battle League - 1-2 Punch Onslaught - 1-2 Punch League - Hot or Thot Roast - Hot or Thot 2018 - Fight Night 11 - NPL Roast Rep Power: 34230532	Don't even read many topicals but this guys work always has managed to grasp me Certain one liners that are just immediately felt Faces to swipe etc Love your work I just usually admire from a distance __________________ It’s like weed in Highschool- w/ the cans I’ll smoke you Bitch I floss . I Got the chain out to see like Constantinople

03-31-2018, 09:28 AM	#3
Rude Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Posts: 65 Rep Power: 713767	I would normally do a more thorough breakdown and highlight which lines hit the hardest and what stuck out more, but I get the sense that you don't need me to do that as your wording has specifically highlighted those things. All I can say to this is Bravo... Excellent work here. Wording/Flow/Prose/Literary Devices and content were all brilliantly used to tell your story and provoke emotion.

04-16-2018, 10:17 AM	#6
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Apart from Copy, you probably have the most flawless flow on the board...& the fact your so intellectual with it makes for a pretty perfect verse...I can't fault this, I really wanna lol...but can't :) Good shit man, stay upwards.