A Gift From Below

[ACTIVATE SELF]

...Topical Battle Verse

... as I entered the hidden tomb of the Dweller
the gaint mechanized door came slamming down behind me,
and the green flames that had illuminated the room blew out;
while the ancient Amulet of Set began glowing ...

Slowly ...

I approached the stone sarcophagus with caution, it was old,
gnostic, long since forgotten like the scrolls of Tutankhamen
I grew nauseous, the stench from his carcass made me sick
I started coughin, it was rotten almost toxic couldn't hold it ...
had to vomit! Broken bones in rows of carnage lined the bottom
of his coffin; as cryptic hieroglyphics started shifting on it's surface
some were Coptic, some were Persian, some were ancient ...
forms of cursive, all were curses, that's for certain, I was lernəd
in the verses of the esoteric churches, so some text I could interpret
as I read it with a purpose sweat was dripping from my turban ....

"His emergence was imperfect, slimy Serpent, who was worshipped
in the darkness where he dwelled, bringing murder to the Cherub ...
as he lured them down to Hell! Who disturbes him? State your purpose
or be burdened by his spell! Forever churning in the furnace where the vermin
burn and wail!"

"It is I, a humble scribe, a man of "science" and of lies, a dark magician
on a mission come to rid you of your binds! Traveled far & traveled wide
across the seas and great divide, I climbed the mountains to their heights
just to reach your ancient shrine! It took me ages to unwind the pagan
language that did hide your location in its twine, but with patience ...
I did find this latent station just in time to testify before the alter of ...
'The Dayless Ageless Night' to give you life; a sacrifice, in exchange
you'll pay a price, you'll give me sight and make me wise like the Fate
that takes the Eye! The 3 combined! If you oblige I'll break the chains
upon your mind and set you free in open skies to rain a plague ...
upon my kind! So yay or nay? I will obey! Just make a statement
Or a sign!"

The sarcophagus slid open and the torches reignited ...
Then a voice inside my head bellowed orders like a giant

"POUR YOUR BLOOD UPON MY CORPSE
RESTORE THE AMULET TO MY CHEST
THEN RECITE THE MAGIC WORDS
THAT OSIRIS SAID TO SET!!!"

I obeyed without a qualm; took my blade and cut my palm
smeared the blood upon his skull until his face was like a pond
broke the chain that donned the charm then I placed it ......
under arms that were stretched acrossed his chest as if
a mummy was embalmed! ... As I sung the sullen song
That King Solomon forbid called the 'Necromancer's Kiss'
and the second that I did I saw Death release its grip ...
when his eyes slightly flickered and his hands began to twitch!
As the stench dissipated he awoke inside the crypt!
Tattered robes were all restitched and his skin grew anew
like a cobra in the pit! Had a humanoid face .....
if you mixed with an imp's and a snake's forked tongue
with 2 eyes that looked like slits; stood about 6'6 & 160lbs
razor blade fingernails, gray complexion like a cloud
all his hair draped down like a blanket or a shroud
as he levitated towards me at a pace that was profound!

"The Dweller has awoken from a slumber that was deep!
You have freed me from the dream & released me from my sleep!
And for this evil deed I will give you what you seek!
The wisdom of Tuhuti, Beelzebub, and Loki!"

Two dozen centuries down .. 40 bodies in the dumps
I became a president by the name of Donald Trump!
Some people think I'm dumb like a novice or beginner
but they thought the same thing when I started off as Hitler!
Vlad was a favorite, and Ivan was a kill'a, but the life
I most liked was a tyrant named Attila!!!

((I'm ill'a))

[iLL ScriptureZ]

I approached the stone sarcophagus with caution, it was old,
gnostic, long since forgotten like the scrolls of Tutankhamen
I grew nauseous, the stench from his carcass made me sick
I started coughin, it was rotten almost toxic couldn't hold it ...
had to vomit! Broken bones in rows of carnage lined the bottom
of his coffin; as cryptic hieroglyphics started shifting on it's surface
some were Coptic, some were Persian, some were ancient ...
forms of cursive, all were curses, that's for certain, I was lernəd
in the verses of the esoteric churches, so some text I could interpret
as I read it with a purpose sweat was dripping from my turban ....

Fuck my life... the way this bounces back in forth in rhythm and rhyme is so perfect. I love the transitions and how they are literally effortless. Your mind has a way of combining high-level rhymes that have significant descriptive value and depth to your pieces.

"His emergence was imperfect, slimy Serpent, who was worshipped
in the darkness where he dwelled, bringing murder to the Cherub ...
as he lured them down to Hell! Who disturbes him? State your purpose
or be burdened by his spell! Forever churning in the furnace where the vermin
burn and wail!"

Executed to a T... utter brilliance here.

"It is I, a humble scribe, a man of "science" and of lies, a dark magician
on a mission come to rid you of your binds! Traveled far & traveled wide
across the seas and great divide, I climbed the mountains to their heights
just to reach your ancient shrine! It took me ages to unwind the pagan
language that did hide your location in its twine, but with patience ...
I did find this latent station just in time to testify before the alter of ...
'The Dayless Ageless Night' to give you life; a sacrifice, in exchange
you'll pay a price, you give me sight and make me wise like the Fate
the takes the Eye! The 3 combined! If you oblige I'll break the chains
upon your mind and set you free in open skies to rain a plague ...
upon my kind! So yay or nay? I will obey! Just make a statement
Or a sign!"

HOW SWAY!? It amazes me that you can take a conversation in your topicals to new heights with how the rhymes and transitions are structured. Again, as I said before, the delivery of the material is within the word usage and word choices. I have no idea how you continue to grow and impress.

I obeyed without a qualm; took my blade and cut my palm
smeared the blood upon his skull until his face was like a pond
broke the chain that donned the charm then I placed it ......
under arms that were stretched acrossed his chest as if
a mummy was embalmed! ... As I sung the sullen song
That King Solomon forbid called the 'Necromancer's Kiss'
and the second that I did I saw Death release its grip ...
when his eyes slightly flickered and his hands began to twitch!
As the stench dissipated he awoke inside the crypt!

Fuckin' imagery is insane here...

Tattered robes were all restitched and his skin grew anew
like a cobra in the pit! Had a humanoid face .....
if you mixed with an imp's and a snake's forked tongue
with 2 eyes that looked like slits; stood about 6'6 & 160lbs
razor blade fingernails, gray complexion like a cloud
all his hair draped down like a blanket or a shroud
as he levitated towards me at a pace that was profound!

The imagery continues on this, rising.

"The Dweller has awoken from a slumber that was deep!
You have freed me from the dream & released me from my sleep!
And for this evil deed I will give you what you seek!
The wisdom of Tuhuti, Beelzebub, and Loki!"

Two dozen centuries down .. 40 bodies in the dumps
I became a president by the name of Donald Trump!
Some people think I'm dumb like a novice or beginner
but they thought the same thing when I started off as Hitler!
Vlad was a favorite, and Ivan was a kill'a, but the life
I most liked was a tyrant named Attila!!!

I had no clue where this was going. Then you dropped the POTUS on me. How you connected that made it seem so simple BUT it wasn't. I'll be honest, how you developed that story out of such a simple idea is so creative and original. Self, I've known you for a long time, and specificially seek out your drops daily to read them. Your content is constantly mind blowing and we have the pleasure of being your audience. For free no less! Excellent work my friend.

[PancakeBrah]

'Of his coffin' to 'interpret' and 'just to reach' to 'patience' were the highlights, schematically and 'flow' wise. You have a pretty high floor in terms of rhyming and technique, but nothing was astonishing. The writing, overall was pretty damn solid, creative in a lot of spots. Reminds me of Frank, a little bit. It is kind of weird seeing all of your overtly topical pieces in OM. This reads like a piece that would have been nominated for HOF in the heyday of texting, before the Netcees era. Heyday in activity, if not stylistically. I can appreciate that this piece was a topical but when it's in OM against the best it just seems out of time almost. I enjoyed reading it. The narrative and concept were fine, for the medium. A lot of first person stuff which seems to be the crutch of the form. The tidy little twisty ending. The reliance on font, or centering, bolding, colors, etc isn't my cup of tea. Tight, and exacting. Well executed. Lacked insight, a bit broad. A good contribution. Thanks

[Concrete]

Okay, the story was quite intriguing, tho the ending wasnt as exciting as the lead up. The flow here was damn near perfect, simple at first glance but the placement is so precise. I can imagine this would suit a proper old school beat.

[Malevolent]

I approached the stone sarcophagus with caution, it was old,
gnostic, long since forgotten like the scrolls of Tutankhamen
I grew nauseous, the stench from his carcass made me sick
I started coughin, it was rotten almost toxic couldn't hold it ...
had to vomit! Broken bones in rows of carnage lined the bottom
of his coffin; as cryptic hieroglyphics started shifting on it's surface
some were Coptic, some were Persian, some were ancient ...
forms of cursive, all were curses, that's for certain, I was lernəd
in the verses of the esoteric churches, so some text I could interpret
as I read it with a purpose sweat was dripping from my turban ....
__________________________________________________ ______________________
Use of vocabulary here tied in with the flow and content is top tier
type of shit . A sorcerer with words.


"His emergence was imperfect, slimy Serpent, who was worshipped
in the darkness where he dwelled, bringing murder to the Cherub ...
as he lured them down to Hell! Who disturbes him? State your purpose
or be burdened by his spell! Forever churning in the furnace where the vermin
burn and wail!"
__________________________________________________ ________________________
Again, the story is progressing, the flow and all technical aspects covered
beautifully. Dope shit


"It is I, a humble scribe, a man of "science" and of lies, a dark magician
on a mission come to rid you of your binds! Traveled far & traveled wide
across the seas and great divide, I climbed the mountains to their heights
just to reach your ancient shrine! It took me ages to unwind the pagan
language that did hide your location in its twine, but with patience ...
I did find this latent station just in time to testify before the alter of ...
'The Dayless Ageless Night' to give you life; a sacrifice, in exchange
you'll pay a price, you give me sight and make me wise like the Fate
the takes the Eye! The 3 combined! If you oblige I'll break the chains
upon your mind and set you free in open skies to rain a plague ...
upon my kind! So yay or nay? I will obey! Just make a statement
Or a sign!"

The sarcophagus slid open and the torches reignited ...
Then a voice inside my head bellowed orders like a giant

"POUR YOUR BLOOD UPON MY CORPSE
RESTORE THE AMULET TO MY CHEST
THEN RECITE THE MAGIC WORDS
THAT OSIRIS SAID TO SET!!!"
__________________________________________________ __________________________
I cant grasp how you are able to illustrate this type of work bruh. This shit
is working, everything is molding together. The flow, vocabulary, content etc...
The only thing is the progression. Im still a little torn on the idea at this point


I obeyed without a qualm; took my blade and cut my palm
smeared the blood upon his skull until his face was like a pond
broke the chain that donned the charm then I placed it ......
under arms that were stretched acrossed his chest as if
a mummy was embalmed! ... As I sung the sullen song
That King Solomon forbid called the 'Necromancer's Kiss'
and the second that I did I saw Death release its grip ...
when his eyes slightly flickered and his hands began to twitch!
As the stench dissipated he awoke inside the crypt!
Tattered robes were all restitched and his skin grew anew
like a cobra in the pit! Had a humanoid face .....
if you mixed with an imp's and a snake's forked tongue
with 2 eyes that looked like slits; stood about 6'6 & 160lbs
razor blade fingernails, gray complexion like a cloud
all his hair draped down like a blanket or a shroud
as he levitated towards me at a pace that was profound!
__________________________________________________ ______________________
I see you here, you know, doing what you do. Again, the level is still on
that top tier pace. Really fucking nice with all aspects.



"The Dweller has awoken from a slumber that was deep!
You have freed me from the dream & released me from my sleep!
And for this evil deed I will give you what you seek!
The wisdom of Tuhuti, Beelzebub, and Loki!"

Two dozen centuries down .. 40 bodies in the dumps
I became a president by the name of Donald Trump!
Some people think I'm dumb like a novice or beginner
but they thought the same thing when I started off as Hitler!
Vlad was a favorite, and Ivan was a kill'a, but the life
I most liked was a tyrant named Attila!!!

((I'm ill'a))
__________________________________________________ ______________________
Than you bring it home. Though im not on the same spectrum of politics...
I can see how you would envision one to be so evil. Overall, this is a
dope ass topical-esque piece. The way you go introspective on these drops
is beyond my capabilities

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Thank you guys for all the love and kind words and most importantly for taking the time to read and feed this piece. It can't be overstated how much I appreciate your consideration.

OAN

I see what you're saying, Pan. And I can't really disagree. However, I think (in terms of perspective) it's important to keep in mind that almost all of my topical pieces are challenges. Thus, the fiction driven subject-matter is usually the by-product of a topic I was given within the context of a battle. I didn't just wake up one morning and say "Ayeee, I'm gonna write a tale about some ancient demon that dwells below". Instead, this, like a lot of my pieces, was spawned from an objective given to both me and an opponent. If the objective prescribed would have been of the sentimental, spoken word, introspective and/or whatever other variety, than the content penned would have followed suit. I just say all that to say this. The Netcees free-flowing, stream of consciousness, everyday plight sort of style, although brilliant and impressive, isn't something foreign to how I normally write. Again, nearly everything posted here to date has been inspired by writing competitions. However, when I write to "just write" The content and angles produced are often much much different. Hopefully that makes sense. In any case, I respect and value your opinion and thanks for checking out my stuff. Whenever you post something new the favor will be returned.

[PancakeBrah]

I assumed the topical pieces you've dropped are taken from topical battles. I'm familiar with the challenges an imposed topic can present, and how grading a topical on the same scale as a free form open mic is unfair. Most of my feed was pretty positive, I think, and based on the topical nature of the piece. It just didn't play with or break the form in a truly unique way, while still being a quality topical is all. I didn't say I don't think you can write in the "netcees style", I was just riffing on the piece. I look forward to future submissions. Thanks!

[Plot]

This was the best thing Ive read in long time