Medical Procedure

Concrete · 03-09-2018, 10:35 AM

"Paging Dr. Octagon, Code Blue in Sector 19"

a clear understatement, saying it's too blatant
to have my patients chained up in a basement
I will rather show them the pains of erasement
the despair gives off a faint scent, kind of fresh
it's time to test, how to dissect mind from flesh
Im inclined to press all known bounds of biology
mind to matter reveals all grounds of psychology

observing heart rates no longer oscillating stable
lie down, the doctor is able at the operating table
vital organs kept functioning by propagating cables
now off to a blissful start, first check the list of parts
don't resist, be smart, just lay still as wrists departs
your legs shaking dude, so I have to break em too
Im pulling at the source of misery, like aching tooths
it may seem cruel, I feel need to induce more harm
as the pale skin is teared along with your forearms
the success so far: four limbs reduced to four scars

placed em in some old jar, where I dumped some feet
anatomically speaking, currently your're a lump of meat
my patient: a clump of beef - that's a proper diagnostics
it seems noxious, as I rip out those optics by the sockets
blood sucking tubes and wires keeping things functioning
your chest is where the juncture is, your lungs puncturing
now I get to chisel away your face like a drunk sculpturist

the whole facial structure rifts

I guess the scalpel works..

so, now the pain starts..

I hear crying, gotta remove that lame talk, with a chain saw
through a plain straw, faint breathing, noises in weird forms
the last thing you ever hear before I chip away your eardrums
I could do this all day, at this leasure I must hack for pleasure
disintegrate your back for measure, then put you back together
rinse, repeat, missing relief I bet you would be grinning teeth
your chin decreased, all thats left of the mouth is minced meat

stuck in the cerebrum, a distressed consciousness, cold, serious
the medical experiments made physical agony your sole experience
you want to die desperatley, sorry.. but don't take it personally
your brain linked to a machine, observing stress levels for eternity

Geno · 03-12-2018, 03:17 AM

This is longer than i realized. Got 3 verses in and had to stop. Syllable play flow and mechanics on point content dark as i like it to be. Enjoying this.

Lucipher Howlz · 03-14-2018, 09:59 PM

Yo Con what up man it's EXO from LA. I love the Doctor Octagon picture. I was a huge fan. I'm sure you dropping the reference has to do with him coming back recently. Very rare to see another Dr Octagon fan out there. BLUE FLOWERS still my jam...

I really liked this a lot. I always appreciated your style. The way one bar ends but you open up the next one with the internal rhyme is pretty dope. It's hard to do and I personally try to do the same when I write. You also brought the Dr. Octagon essence into the whole drop and that's much respected. You actually nailed it. For this being the first drop I have seen and actually commented on is insane. Last 3 lines in your third section...yeah thats whats up.....Good shit as always CONCRETE

Concrete · 03-15-2018, 03:42 PM

Thanks for the feed guys.

Exo, good to see you around here man.

ACTIVATE SELF · 03-16-2018, 11:38 AM

I'm not all that familiar with the source material mentioned, but the name does ring a faint bell. In any case, this was well put together, Con. It flowed like water. The vocab was just right. The imagery was visual and the overall confidence of your words never waned or wavered. Normally I'd break it all down. Top to bottom. But right now I kinda have a lot going on. I did dig it though. No surprise there. Creative. Keep em come, my dude. Peace.

Elemental P · 03-16-2018, 01:46 PM

Well written and vivid imagery. Honestly it reminds me of my rhyme scheme how it read I'd be down to do a topical collab one day.

Like the approach to this, always enjoy some darker writtens my kind of shit. Nice use of ur multis and syllables ran smoothly. Really not much I can critique you seem to have a firm grasp on ur style stay At it

Concrete · 03-18-2018, 09:27 AM

Activate: Thanks, it more like an obscure reference https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Octagon
If you haven't heard it, you definately should.

Elemental: Thanks, and Im down to collab any time man.

03-09-2018, 10:35 AM	#1
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158975	Medical Procedure "Paging Dr. Octagon, Code Blue in Sector 19" a clear understatement, saying it's too blatant to have my patients chained up in a basement I will rather show them the pains of erasement the despair gives off a faint scent, kind of fresh it's time to test, how to dissect mind from flesh Im inclined to press all known bounds of biology mind to matter reveals all grounds of psychology observing heart rates no longer oscillating stable lie down, the doctor is able at the operating table vital organs kept functioning by propagating cables now off to a blissful start, first check the list of parts don't resist, be smart, just lay still as wrists departs your legs shaking dude, so I have to break em too Im pulling at the source of misery, like aching tooths it may seem cruel, I feel need to induce more harm as the pale skin is teared along with your forearms the success so far: four limbs reduced to four scars placed em in some old jar, where I dumped some feet anatomically speaking, currently your're a lump of meat my patient: a clump of beef - that's a proper diagnostics it seems noxious, as I rip out those optics by the sockets blood sucking tubes and wires keeping things functioning your chest is where the juncture is, your lungs puncturing now I get to chisel away your face like a drunk sculpturist the whole facial structure rifts I guess the scalpel works.. so, now the pain starts.. I hear crying, gotta remove that lame talk, with a chain saw through a plain straw, faint breathing, noises in weird forms the last thing you ever hear before I chip away your eardrums I could do this all day, at this leasure I must hack for pleasure disintegrate your back for measure, then put you back together rinse, repeat, missing relief I bet you would be grinning teeth your chin decreased, all thats left of the mouth is minced meat stuck in the cerebrum, a distressed consciousness, cold, serious the medical experiments made physical agony your sole experience you want to die desperatley, sorry.. but don't take it personally your brain linked to a machine, observing stress levels for eternity

03-12-2018, 03:17 AM	#2
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,330 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	This is longer than i realized. Got 3 verses in and had to stop. Syllable play flow and mechanics on point content dark as i like it to be. Enjoying this. __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

03-14-2018, 09:59 PM	#3
Lucipher Howlz Member Join Date: Mar 2018 Posts: 89 Rep Power: 4050148	Yo Con what up man it's EXO from LA. I love the Doctor Octagon picture. I was a huge fan. I'm sure you dropping the reference has to do with him coming back recently. Very rare to see another Dr Octagon fan out there. BLUE FLOWERS still my jam... I really liked this a lot. I always appreciated your style. The way one bar ends but you open up the next one with the internal rhyme is pretty dope. It's hard to do and I personally try to do the same when I write. You also brought the Dr. Octagon essence into the whole drop and that's much respected. You actually nailed it. For this being the first drop I have seen and actually commented on is insane. Last 3 lines in your third section...yeah thats whats up.....Good shit as always CONCRETE

03-15-2018, 03:42 PM	#4
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158975	Thanks for the feed guys. Exo, good to see you around here man.

03-16-2018, 11:38 AM	#5
ACTIVATE SELF Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2017 Posts: 732 Battle Record: 2-1 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 19584275	I'm not all that familiar with the source material mentioned, but the name does ring a faint bell. In any case, this was well put together, Con. It flowed like water. The vocab was just right. The imagery was visual and the overall confidence of your words never waned or wavered. Normally I'd break it all down. Top to bottom. But right now I kinda have a lot going on. I did dig it though. No surprise there. Creative. Keep em come, my dude. Peace.

03-16-2018, 01:46 PM	#6
Elemental P Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 856 Rep Power: 4507453	Well written and vivid imagery. Honestly it reminds me of my rhyme scheme how it read I'd be down to do a topical collab one day. Like the approach to this, always enjoy some darker writtens my kind of shit. Nice use of ur multis and syllables ran smoothly. Really not much I can critique you seem to have a firm grasp on ur style stay At it

03-18-2018, 09:27 AM	#7
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158975	Activate: Thanks, it more like an obscure reference https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Octagon If you haven't heard it, you definately should. Elemental: Thanks, and Im down to collab any time man.