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03-14-2018, 11:35 PM
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#1 |
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Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 89
Rep Power: 4050148   |
"Like Father Like Son
Have to be a Father now even tho I live with regret-
Never givin' respect- I shiver from threats, plus my liver is wrecked- It's simple at best, bad decisions make it feel like I'm kicked in my chest- " Every stone thrown in the river makes a ripple effect- between the pills I ingest, and the fists that I stress- Fuck the game of life, this is risk at its best - I was born with a nipple that was triple distilled at the breast- Sucking on it till I''m killed, quittin', slittin'my flesh- I'm Not Zelda but I was givin' a quest- Respect your dinner as long as I can finish what's left- SHIT GIVE ME A SEC!..... Im a joker, a black sheep, just somebody to use- A drinker, the sinker, Everybody's excuse- If you don't got a lighter don't fondle the fuse- I'm loving the snow until that gondola's loose- Ponder the truth, cold blooded until the thermometers thru- I'm constantly cool inside of this monstrous pool- Gonna demolish these brews, no excuses but My father is who?- I'm following thru, On being the opposite and not following you!- Maybe I am tho.....Swallowing truth... |
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03-15-2018, 03:54 PM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oslo
Posts: 179
Battle Record: 5-0
Rep Power: 2158975 |
Pretty slick intro\flex piece here, pretty heavy rhyming in the first segment. There's a fine line between natural rhymes and forced rhymes to carry the theme. I think you pulled it off for this shorter piece. Switchin it up on the second segment, seems more focused around content, perhaps why I liked it better. As usual, pretty grimey and agggressive all around. Nice to see some LA-exiles back in action, I've recently started posting on this site myself.
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03-16-2018, 08:48 AM
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#3 |
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,330
Battle Record: 10-15
Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x)
Champed - Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8
Rep Power: 50036758  |
Thought this flowed well. Had some really dope shit in it but at times had some forced concepts for the sake of the rhyme.. Which is ok. But i feel like you did it just a touch to many times. None the less. I enjoyed this read and rly hope to see more from you man. Really dig the name btw. Keep writing!
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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03-16-2018, 11:03 AM
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#4 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 4,439
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 37645695 |
This shit was nice... flowed nice your concepts were nice for the fact I know who you are.. that second verse was my favorite man. Good shit ex
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03-16-2018, 11:22 AM
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#5 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584275 |
It's always pleasure to read something new from you. This topic wasn't really expansive or grandiose. Instead it was kind of simple and matter-a-fact. Real life emotions and everyday struggles captured in a clean and creative way. The flow was in the pocket like an 8ball (interpret that how you like). It never fell off. The wording was solid and the energy was real, but also entertaining. I know this is just a quick verse from you. But, I'm excited to see what you'll produce once you put your foot on the gas and go full throttle.
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03-16-2018, 01:49 PM
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#6 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 856
Rep Power: 4507453 |
Idk you but I can relate to the pills and drinking. Dope subject, well written and your rhyme scheme kept me wanting to read more. Nice use of imagery and a good topic. See you in the topical tourny
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03-16-2018, 11:30 PM
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#7 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 103
Champed - Write Week 7
Rep Power: 3415773 |
Exo da gawd
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