Zazen.

Eŋg · 03-04-2018, 09:08 PM

this read, rather unfortunately, like rhythmic prose. i tend to view art as the attempts to articulate an idea, whatever your medium, to which point i find writing to pictures counter-intuitive because netcees tend to reverse-engineer a verse from the source material. i was guilty of it myself, although only rarely, because i'm too stubborn to do what's asked me. on a purely mechanical level you are an adept rhymer, but do i want to read stilted moments like 'kissed his wife' and 'provided chai' because you're compelled to adhere to a scheme? do you, even? i didn't dislike the content, or the vibe of the content at least, but my above gripes combined with some uninspired similes (in your defence, i believe similes are hard to do well) stifled my potential enjoyment of this verse.

you can write - this wasn't a verse i would read again.

oh and dead that formatting shit. or don't, lol.

03-04-2018, 09:08 PM	#1
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	this read, rather unfortunately, like rhythmic prose. i tend to view art as the attempts to articulate an idea, whatever your medium, to which point i find writing to pictures counter-intuitive because netcees tend to reverse-engineer a verse from the source material. i was guilty of it myself, although only rarely, because i'm too stubborn to do what's asked me. on a purely mechanical level you are an adept rhymer, but do i want to read stilted moments like 'kissed his wife' and 'provided chai' because you're compelled to adhere to a scheme? do you, even? i didn't dislike the content, or the vibe of the content at least, but my above gripes combined with some uninspired similes (in your defence, i believe similes are hard to do well) stifled my potential enjoyment of this verse. you can write - this wasn't a verse i would read again. oh and dead that formatting shit. or don't, lol.