nycspitz
this was dope, and had a great intro to the setting
the first line was hands down my favourite,
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... / So I pray to the war gods and wait for whispers from Mars
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and this line was a close second, not sure why but it was cool.
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... but I can see the same trap / ... 30 percent brain cap
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imo this was the weakest line, but not even this lost me.
unless I missed it, I wish it had touched on the cat :D
other than that, solid piece.
the only thing it has going against it (for me) is I dislike scifi lmao.
diablo
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... left a gaping hole in his sibling / ...
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the only thing I wanted was a bit more resolution about his sibling.
other than that, cool.
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... protecting Dynasty One / ... seemed to rise with the sun
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"Dynasty One" was cool, it gave it a sort of weirdly sci-fi touch for half a second
I'm glad you didn't but, you could have explored that I think.
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... / ...knife-edge his life was balanced upon
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nice.
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... turned away in despair / ... doctrine that they were too scared
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weakest line imo. I don't understand the second part of it and it had me stuck for a second.
all in all, two really good writers. I think NYC had some better imagery/set-up and Diablo had better flow (both of the piece and to the story).
I read both like four times
mvgt NYCSPITZ cuz I liked some of the lines more
12-29-2017, 09:08 PM
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