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Old 12-12-2017, 09:17 AM   #6
Inno
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,025
Battle Record: 26-54


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- Lime Green Poetry Association
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- 1-2 Punch League

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Sym: Sym continues to have one of the most natural flows in the league here. It doesn't read like it's been written for a league verse, it reads like it was meant to be rapped, and that's a huge credit to him. The rhyme placement definitely helps there for the reader, though, it can often get him caught up in the ride and lose some clarity as to what is happening story wise, that's his weaker point and needs addressing as it affects him each week without any progress being made to improve it - it holds him back and did again here.


Objective: You went a more politically charged route this week, over the story from last week, and that was a risk - but I think it will pay off here. Rather than it being strictly about Norweigian politics that could have alienated the readership somewhat, it does have a more relateable overall arc to it that I think took this for you, as well as a noticeable improvement in terms of multies, rhyme placement, and technical skill.

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