12-12-2017, 09:16 AM
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#6
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Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,025
Battle Record: 26-54
Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 85899403
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pentup
I remember really enjoying your writing and the first two lines sold me on why.
This has a really nice, spoken word sort of vibe to it.
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... middle of the pack / hindered by my past ... / sticking to the back ... / I play my part and frivolously laugh
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how i read it, sort of picking up pace until "play my part and", then a nice little pause.
oof.
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death stands there red-handed laughing, yet, contrite / it has to happen, right? the passing of the torch? / passively we're forced to act as the resource of happiness
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bruh
the rest was clean, but those two ^ REALLY stood out to me.
I hope to see more of you
diablo
fuck, I forgot it was you vs pentup.
I came to your verse thinking "prolly easy vote."
I'll just list the parts that spoke to me
but first,
that was bothering me.
now
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We accounted for sizing before the panels were made / having found a supply of tempered glass for the case.
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Here they had ample warmth and light on display / and I could peer from the shadows any time of the day!
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The civilian clacked his mandible and breathed with a sigh / "Some think it was planned by a great entity in the sky,"
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ggwp -.-
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He'd seen the meticulous hours of physical skill / even been in the thick of it to assist in the build.
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okay. all said, diablo had what felt more... clear of a topic?
if I hadn't picked up on pentup's, the vote would be a little harder to decide.
mvgt pentup
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