RD 1: Frank vs big baby - FRANK WINS!

Eŋg · 09-07-2016, 06:51 PM

bb - this does sort of recall black (and pancake at times) with the vaguely broken, list-like delivery yoking together disparate conceptual strands. it's coherent, if a bit flowery, though. i think i'm a bit hemmed in by trying to make my stuff more or less syntactically fluid even if i'm chopping it up with short sentences like certain tends to favour. anyway, this was a bit of an ekphrasis, or a picture in words, which is ironic when you consider we're making words from pictures?! had to google desenfrada. some really beautiful turns of phrase knitted with very poised, delicate language. appreciated the thematic callbacks to the cor cordis. strong outing. buy my book tho u bitch.

franklin - idk bro, there's a questionable technical feat in adhering so stringently to a singular set of syllables which some sects of online rap forums will hail as unequivocally brilliant and rub their dicks to. for me, honestly, it borders on doggerel. not to take away from you, or your general writing, because you can write. while this was a bizarrely fun narrative that would resonate with current, recent events and the nigh ubiquity of pokemon spanning generations, struggling through a whole lot of wording killed much of my enjoyment and the momentum of the piece. sort of threw in the topic tie-in, at the end, too which is fine. i write around topics. can hurt a bit, apparently. i been here from day, btw, fuck you talmbout i've arrived?

i think bb comfortably outwrote frank in this one.

09-07-2016, 06:51 PM	#3
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	bb - this does sort of recall black (and pancake at times) with the vaguely broken, list-like delivery yoking together disparate conceptual strands. it's coherent, if a bit flowery, though. i think i'm a bit hemmed in by trying to make my stuff more or less syntactically fluid even if i'm chopping it up with short sentences like certain tends to favour. anyway, this was a bit of an ekphrasis, or a picture in words, which is ironic when you consider we're making words from pictures?! had to google desenfrada. some really beautiful turns of phrase knitted with very poised, delicate language. appreciated the thematic callbacks to the cor cordis. strong outing. buy my book tho u bitch. franklin - idk bro, there's a questionable technical feat in adhering so stringently to a singular set of syllables which some sects of online rap forums will hail as unequivocally brilliant and rub their dicks to. for me, honestly, it borders on doggerel. not to take away from you, or your general writing, because you can write. while this was a bizarrely fun narrative that would resonate with current, recent events and the nigh ubiquity of pokemon spanning generations, struggling through a whole lot of wording killed much of my enjoyment and the momentum of the piece. sort of threw in the topic tie-in, at the end, too which is fine. i write around topics. can hurt a bit, apparently. i been here from day, btw, fuck you talmbout i've arrived? i think bb comfortably outwrote frank in this one. Last edited by Eŋg; 09-07-2016 at 06:57 PM.