RD 1: UnbornBuddha vs Vulgar - VULGAR WINS!

Frank · 09-07-2016, 02:20 PM

Vulgar, I can't be the only one who moved my mouse over that bullshit link. Opening up the piece with a quote and an emboldened title is textbook top tier. Richard Corey implemented that device, and it is truly an elite topicalist tool. Vintage Vulgar. Brazenly written. The flow was very index cardish. Just an outlandish take. On a side-note, getting you to sign up was like pulling teeth. Last one to sign up, first to post? Nice work. I didn't put in the effort to look up the Gobbells backstory, if it is indeed a true story or not. With that said, it has struck my fancy after numerous reads and I may google it. Probably not. Maybe I'll youtube it (Things they don't want you to know series?) The effect of this verse was like a firing line, though. Just ballsy, cutthroat, sadistic humor. Not sure if I should've found it funny or not. Ending the verse on a non-rhyming sentiment is always abstract. Gives the piece a different depth. Appreciate you being back and writing at a level we all expect of you. As far as critique goes, the cerebellum/verge of exterminating sequence illustrated to me a certain uncertainty there. A kind of real world detail that slipped in. I think this was streamlined rather efficiently, though it appeared for a second that you may lose focus on your premise and stumble into a obscure ending.

UnBornBuddah, valiant verse in our finals match up. I will say that a few of your inconspicuous submissions in the sub forum are some of your best work. They fly under the radar. I've read a few that rivaled your championship verse or surpassed it. Stylistically, you've adapted to an abbreviated line length, abandoning your more full fledged thought process. Here your dialed in. A very basic verse that bordered on ordinary. Granted, time wasn't on your side. I try to avoid giving my characters names that don't have any double meaning. Max may refer to "to the max", though, so that is clever, because your character is at his max, so to speak. The first stanzas latter half had a tone I'm sure you're familiar with.

UnBornBuddah would've beaten most of the sub ins with that verse to the topic. Unfortunately, his opponent is one of the Rushmore, and just proved why.

MVGT Vulgar

09-07-2016, 02:20 PM	#1
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Vulgar, I can't be the only one who moved my mouse over that bullshit link. Opening up the piece with a quote and an emboldened title is textbook top tier. Richard Corey implemented that device, and it is truly an elite topicalist tool. Vintage Vulgar. Brazenly written. The flow was very index cardish. Just an outlandish take. On a side-note, getting you to sign up was like pulling teeth. Last one to sign up, first to post? Nice work. I didn't put in the effort to look up the Gobbells backstory, if it is indeed a true story or not. With that said, it has struck my fancy after numerous reads and I may google it. Probably not. Maybe I'll youtube it (Things they don't want you to know series?) The effect of this verse was like a firing line, though. Just ballsy, cutthroat, sadistic humor. Not sure if I should've found it funny or not. Ending the verse on a non-rhyming sentiment is always abstract. Gives the piece a different depth. Appreciate you being back and writing at a level we all expect of you. As far as critique goes, the cerebellum/verge of exterminating sequence illustrated to me a certain uncertainty there. A kind of real world detail that slipped in. I think this was streamlined rather efficiently, though it appeared for a second that you may lose focus on your premise and stumble into a obscure ending. UnBornBuddah, valiant verse in our finals match up. I will say that a few of your inconspicuous submissions in the sub forum are some of your best work. They fly under the radar. I've read a few that rivaled your championship verse or surpassed it. Stylistically, you've adapted to an abbreviated line length, abandoning your more full fledged thought process. Here your dialed in. A very basic verse that bordered on ordinary. Granted, time wasn't on your side. I try to avoid giving my characters names that don't have any double meaning. Max may refer to "to the max", though, so that is clever, because your character is at his max, so to speak. The first stanzas latter half had a tone I'm sure you're familiar with. UnBornBuddah would've beaten most of the sub ins with that verse to the topic. Unfortunately, his opponent is one of the Rushmore, and just proved why. MVGT Vulgar __________________ *VETWORK*