AOWL WK12: TYSON (4-3) VS. Objective (3-4) [OBJECTIVE WINS, 5-0.]

Zen · 05-17-2013, 01:41 PM

Good battle right here fellas forreal.
Objective: After reading your posts in the prediction threads I thought your verse was gonna be shit to be honest but you proved me wrong here. I actually really, really enjoyed this piece. Yes it gets two reallys. There were some great lines in there that like the Q'ran line stood out for me, but on the other hand there were lines that could have been much better if the syllable count had matched up with the previous line. That's not a big deal for most people so it's no problem really and that's the only real problem I have with this verse. Excellent man.
Tyson: Nice piece here. The ending felt almost Taoist really since most easterners feel that people in the West pull themselves out of life by trying to figure out answers constantly while easterners live. I liked that touch. I do feel that this piece could have been much better really and more emotional considering the story progressed through his entire life but the pains he experienced are touched on and then you move directly on in the next line. I would've liked more detail on that for the emotional side but that's just me. Anyway nice piece.

Overall I gotta give this to Objective. Good battle fellas.

05-17-2013, 01:41 PM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Good battle right here fellas forreal. Objective: After reading your posts in the prediction threads I thought your verse was gonna be shit to be honest but you proved me wrong here. I actually really, really enjoyed this piece. Yes it gets two reallys. There were some great lines in there that like the Q'ran line stood out for me, but on the other hand there were lines that could have been much better if the syllable count had matched up with the previous line. That's not a big deal for most people so it's no problem really and that's the only real problem I have with this verse. Excellent man. Tyson: Nice piece here. The ending felt almost Taoist really since most easterners feel that people in the West pull themselves out of life by trying to figure out answers constantly while easterners live. I liked that touch. I do feel that this piece could have been much better really and more emotional considering the story progressed through his entire life but the pains he experienced are touched on and then you move directly on in the next line. I would've liked more detail on that for the emotional side but that's just me. Anyway nice piece. Overall I gotta give this to Objective. Good battle fellas.