someone great

Otto Peighlaught · 07-04-2016, 04:05 PM

Amazing, again. It's interesting that you included the first paragraph as it read like an excuse to start writing. A literal description of the beginning of your writing protocol mixed with a current state of mind. Nothing wrong with it but all the meat is in the second paragraph. What meat you did share. The opening lines to the second paragraph were more poignant and eulogic than I could have imagined upon first read. The transition of thoughts and stringing of points in the relationship collaged together as this disfunctional picture was powerful and unique. Thank you.

07-04-2016, 04:05 PM	#4
Otto Peighlaught Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 17 Rep Power: 3436003	Amazing, again. It's interesting that you included the first paragraph as it read like an excuse to start writing. A literal description of the beginning of your writing protocol mixed with a current state of mind. Nothing wrong with it but all the meat is in the second paragraph. What meat you did share. The opening lines to the second paragraph were more poignant and eulogic than I could have imagined upon first read. The transition of thoughts and stringing of points in the relationship collaged together as this disfunctional picture was powerful and unique. Thank you.