im pretty sure i did this wrong

Just Belief · 05-30-2016, 08:54 PM

Overall this was a good piece. I like how you seperated it into 4 line stanzas but i felt the piece was too long. I started losing intrest about halfway through, but you got me back at the 1 percent /analogy line. That stanza and the last two were my favorites of this piece. The flow was coo and you had some nice metaphor/similie lines.

I just think it needs more work and direction such as the don't jump the gun lines they sound like a nice hook and even title to me. But i think you shouldve put the hook at the begenning middle and end or just the begenning and end for more dramatic effect.

05-30-2016, 08:54 PM	#2
Just Belief Emcee 4 Life Join Date: May 2016 Location: CA - L.A County Posts: 15 Rep Power: 0	Overall this was a good piece. I like how you seperated it into 4 line stanzas but i felt the piece was too long. I started losing intrest about halfway through, but you got me back at the 1 percent /analogy line. That stanza and the last two were my favorites of this piece. The flow was coo and you had some nice metaphor/similie lines. I just think it needs more work and direction such as the don't jump the gun lines they sound like a nice hook and even title to me. But i think you shouldve put the hook at the begenning middle and end or just the begenning and end for more dramatic effect.