WEEK 12: CHAMPIONSHIP: (c)Artifice vs. Razah [ART 5-3]

[Adonis]

Season 6

Verses are due MONDAY 5/23 (ext. 5/24) 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 5/25 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Located HERE



G/Luck @Artifice @Razah

[Artifice]

2. I've kept my mouth closed for too long, but this morning everything changed


spazzin' at home, havin' panic attacks & pacin' the hall
scattered moments of happiness captured & framed on the wall
these flashes of peace are just fables extracted from time
whereas the truth remains buried deep in the back of my mind
you'd see the dream but what you had, i couldn't imagine it
still i went on the ride down this path leading to wrath & avarice
in life you'd hoped for a future bright & intense
but too many nights spent on cliches like kids & a white picket fence
so when it's all said & done what's sad is it might've been better
if we'd never even done this cuz we haven't had a happy life together
'razor tongue'-laden speech, but what we say is only lies
we both work six days a week but it seems like nobody provides
this reality check's post-dated, should've canceled it sooner
damn it's become obvious we've evolved into a cancerous tumour
so as i ask for this divorce i know it does not trouble you
cuz you've been waiting for me to say it since the day i stopped loving you

[Razah]

Society's ills or rage running rampant, left for dispute
Ironic I grew self-absorbed from all the venom they spew
Not in my nature; to be clouded & surrounded by struggle
All the blood spilled runs deep - I could drown in a puddle
Hope formed ripples; although we encourage them less
Hired to serve & protect for the most worthless of checks
I'm not worthy of death - Ignoring all the blessings & praise
My soul changed hues as I succumbed to the pressure they face
Who orchestrated the pain, who chose the heavens as peaks
The composition known as my life made the melody bleed
That'd never be me. But I dug me a ditch & greed is what helps
A Robin Hood of sorts- Steal from the rich but keep to myself
A warrant granted the power & then I'd rush to the scene
The biggest hustler I knew wasn't as corrupted as me
But the money he'd bring meant all my dreams with in reach
Reality hit before I imagined women & drinks on a beach
I felt my teeth chipping -
On the barrel of his glock as I reached for my piece

[timeless]

Art, spazzing at home and cancerous tumor were wack bro. Other than that, and the wack approach, this was smooth and crisp. Enjoyed it other than those couple tidbits.

Razah, smooth n crisp just like your opponent. Wish you would've taken this further, really rushed and incomplete, the ending did nothing for me.

V. Art for the more complete read. Could go either way for sure.

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

Both had rhyme-warped grammar, which disturbs the narrative flow as much as syllable-crammed and uneven lines disturbs the mechanical flow.

Artifice: I liked how you brought it home, it was subtle if a bit emo.

Razah: This feels more like the synopsis you hand movie-guy when he's presenting your piece.

Vote: Artifice for more cohesively developed piece within limited space.

[asylum]

Artifice – wow this turned out to be way deeper then I thought it was originally. Shit was dope. I especially enjoyed how you rhymed imagine it with wrath & avarice. Ending line was definitely proper.

Razah – this was an EXCEPETIONALLY well woven storyline. Especially coming from a guy who doesn’t write stories very often. This piece was deep, full of material.

MVGT Razah for the more original take on his topic. I think his piece hit me harder the second time. I was leaning towards art at first.. but I think Razah took it this week.

[Mr. J]

Art, I enjoyed the piece up until bright & intense
it just sounds funny to me & didn't work with picket fence
regardless I thought the imagine it/avarice rhyme was cool
the rest of it begins to make sense by the time you're through
the emotion has more impact on a second read for me.
in the end though you weave quite an incredible story.
a few slip ups here & there but you make up for it by the end
nice work my friend.

Razah, this was really well done, perhaps my favorite of yours
the way you craft your flow basically allows it to take its course.
once you get into the mold you start to weave a nice ending in.
also a more original take on flipping your topic & blending it in.
I cant really find much to complain about...


v/Razah, I thought he came correct this time around.
he had a cohesive piece & put some nice rhyming down.
hardly a hiccup when I got finished, the story was well done
about halfway through Arts piece it almost felt rushed...
I cant get the picket fence out of my head cause it came after a good line.
otherwise I felt if he chopped that are made it work with another line...idk
maybe he would have fared better..
dope battle either way...

[Adonis]

Verse - Given the concept this is a very powerful opener,

spazzin' at home, havin' panic attacks & pacin' the hall
scattered moments of happiness captured & framed on the wall
these flashes of peace are just fables extracted from time
whereas the truth remains buried deep in the back of my mind

Dope read though man. Short and to the point, a solid narrative mixed in with great turn of phrase, wording, rhymes and sense of direction. This is a very clean and polished verse regardless of the length, if it were longer it would have slowed and lost it's luster.


AZ - To me, "corrupted" was the wrong tense in that sentence. Also think "keep FOR myself" sounds more natural. Great use of topic though. Solid verse about a corrupt police officer who gets a warrant on a, a very wealthy drug dealer I assume, and tries to seize it for himself but ends up with a barrel in his mouth. This verse was good man, it had zero fat and amazing character build up which is overlooked in most reads honestly. great detail, sense of direction and pace.


Very dope battle. Could go either way, it's all going to be preference based votes because you both got very high marks on any voting criteria that people seem to mention I. e Flow, concept, execution, imagery etc.


V/Adverse

I came away slightly more impressed with the style, almost like you did a razah verse better than razah, IMO only though. Great battle.

[Inno]

Nice battle


Art

This was cool i like the direction you took in this. Painting the path that most of us take unfortunately lol. Although i gotta say this would of been sp much better with better diction. Prolly just my preference but words like cuz are just lazy lol. But tbh that really didnt take away from your overall score.

Razah

Dope dope verse bruh i liked this alot. The tone the imagery was on point. Man this was cool from top to bottom. Gotta say the soul changing hues line was just amazing lol, well written bro. The whole verse was scatter with little gems like that but that one was the highlight.

Overall

I think im going with razah on this one. This was a dope battle and both came with it. I just felt razah had a bit more meat to his content for me. Enjoyed the read

[UnbornBuddha]

There were parts I liked and disliked about both. I think this battle is close.

Artifice had some really nice lines and some others that were a bit more stale. His concept was ordinary, yet effective. Razah had some nice thoughts and reflections, however his usage of the topic as his ending was not in good tastes for me. I enjoyed Razah's concept more, and both had good execution, but the fact that Razah used the topic as his last name is hard for me to overlook. Some people might like it, I wasn't a fan of it.

Vote: Art

[2tripple0]

I thought that this was a decent battle since both verses seemed to have plenty of quoteworthy lines and I think that is what stands out about battles in the aowl you both stayed on topic for the most part and this was a really close battle but because artiface went first it felt like razah just reiterated the same thing artiface had already pointed out so n my eyes that is for the most part the reason I'm going to go with artiface



Vote: art