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#1 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
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![]() ![]() Season 6 Verses are due MONDAY 5/23 (ext. 5/24) 11:59 PST Voting ends WEDNESDAY 5/2511:59 PST Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread. Topic: Located HERE G/Luck @Frank @Adverse breathless and adverse no show
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I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 05-27-2016 at 06:46 PM. |
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#2 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
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5. 12 years in a coma, you finally wake....
...and breathless still hasnt shown up, hes the worst What fo i do i stuck in between a rock and a verse Whats a a nigga to due? Write for a no show... Man i dont know, thats a risk with a double edge Shit i should just say fuck it smoke an L and go to bed But instead i gotta show something so im here writing bs Hey breathless i hope your happy this all your fault If you would of showed I probably would of no showed...pause But seriously ill catch you next time for the battle Until then ive reach the line limit so ill stop with the babel |
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#3 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
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I remain in vegetation, stagnation, grazing, sedated in preservation
Doctors racing making the attempt to jog my memory, it’s foggy with condensation I’m longing for conversation In the observation’s waiting room, we're pacing back and forth, impatient with embracement. Mother’s bodacious legs chafing, curvaceous – paying for the carnations, They're saying I’ve made it: celebrating in delayment... Phases and tribulations, but he is safe at this stage and state an..." The shaft way taking the jubilation to patients in intensive cases on respiration -Like telephone communication, hyperventilation Resuscitated. She's praying with the nurse’s aide in her blood stained apron Saying what I am thinking, writing what I’m conveying Thanking god you’re listening. I am in isolation. Hospitalization; dissociation; deterioration Limit your visitations, the devastating effects will embed for generations, never fading Stay strong engraving bracelet, wrapped, cutting the circulation to the veins A filtrating feeding tube arrangement, boosting my calorie intake with fluctuating rations Amputated. My legs dangling, exercising my muscles in hibernation Vigorous training, sitting in the chair for long periods, straining duration Retardation. The language center located in the brain is rehabilitating in inflammation The left and right equations - nearly separated by invasion: Fragmentation. Stainless steel bullet - with a name on it, chasing, agitated The external force breaking through mutilating my face I'm waking in a magnetic field encasement, dehydrated and I’m aching Shaking, my brain in its liquidated basin, pupils dilating, it's desolation Mummification. My Doctor basing his evaluations on diagrams following color coordination specifications Retraining my brain, every day, through faith and determination Concentration: Inhalation - opening my eyes to the sun glazing into the orientation oration "We all share the same dreams, we are all of God’s creation We spend our lives disorientated, until we’re face to face with confrontative annihilation... And death defying courageous acts cannot save us from salvation" Reincarnation, revelations, vaccinations Neurologically I’m 80 and I’m aging, civilization isn’t the same: Uneducated and alienated Experiencing déjà vu and amnesia with simultaneous amazement Mother nature waters its vases, watching the fertilization with fascination “Franklyn - Today is your examination. Take your medication" They’re videotaping and I am at a loss for words, vocalization deactivated “DON’T SHOOT!”were the last words I articulated - Before the brazen aimed the gauge and crushed my face in with enragement "Frank, I need you to enunciate these words with pronunciation" The pay off of preparation "My nammme is..sss **********.&.I…havvv..e….br…aaa…inn…d..d.d.ammm agee" End of statement (12 years in a coma, you finally wake.)
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VETWORK
Last edited by Adonis; 05-25-2016 at 08:12 AM. |
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#4 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
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Inno - obv no show lol. k.
Frank - This piece was dope as fuck bro. It looks like it took a lot of work and I must say, it was an enthralling read. i was lost in those rhymes tho. I'm going to have a further breakdown in the mag this week, but I must say. This was impressive. MVGT Frank obviously. |
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#5 |
rockkFresh
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Chicago.
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Dope verse Frank.
Haha, finally a verse that wasn't too long for me, didn't have any unnecessary words to make it seemed like you rhymed more, and you get no showed. Sucks man. Anyways, really dope verse. Usually not a fan of using too many of the same rhymes word, ie, celebration, dedication, inspiration, basically all that end in ion because it seems like a cheap way out as far as rhyming, but the way you placed them made sense to me, so that was dope. Besides that, same typical Frank shit. Bunch of internals, solid story, good stuff man. |
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#6 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
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vFrank....well to be real I found Innos verse hilarious
both of you got no showed though & that seems very shit... regardless I enjoyed the little flow that you put together may your next opponent be well rounded & a little clever. Frank obviously took this round due to his written piece I stopped about halfway through & questioned why I read it but due to the voting process I guess I am indebted to it.... yea..I said it, regardless I thought you had a crisp amount of wording perhaps I will return to this & finish the verse upon sound observance. good job Frank
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#7 |
Senior Member
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Cool read here Frank, definitely developed a story here. Done in your typical style. My only gripe (and it's personal) is that there's been so many rhymes with the 'tion' syllable rhyme it's hard to make them standout anymore. Still impressive, but would've liked to see you tackle a less comfortable syllable set to rhyme.
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#8 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54
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Dam frank i had no chance bro you wrote so much more than me i mean what can i say but congrats on the good writing.
Dope story tbh. Like always you develop a great pace and just rode that wave all the way to the end. Another creative take to the topic. Got a bit repetitive at times nut not enough to hinder the overall feel. Good mechanics good read bro. |
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#9 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
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Inno's verse was dope though. Obviously not a winning one against pretty much everything, but the style suited you and had dope flow with a very humorous overtone.
Frankdiddy - I liked this verse. You teased me mid way through though, I thought you were actually making a "in-verse" end rhyme change up, but nah. You would be more dangerous if you did this every now and again though. Good flow, solid story and finisher. Didn't like the god speak, but I understand it none the less. This is not one of your better verses, but it is still a good one.
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I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
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