Week 11: Adonis vs Innovator [ADONIS 6-1

Artifice · 05-18-2016, 06:31 PM

Innovator

Cool little piece here, a pretty basic flip on the topic. I felt like it ended somewhat quickly and abruptly, like it was cut short of what it could've been. That being said, I really dug the opening, in particular the second couplet:

While irate people hoof along the paths carved by centuries
forming a line of feet marching along like aimless centipedes

that was really cool. I think if you're verse had more of this kind of writing in it, it would really kick it up a notch. Still a fun read.

Adonis

That opening bit was real nice. It opens the direction you took the topic, which is also really cool. This didn't blow my mind, but it was concise and it worked well. For someone who isn't feeling like writing, you pulled a nice one off here.

Overall I got Adonis taking it with a more interesting take on the topic and a slightly more flushed out piece.

v/ Adonis

05-18-2016, 06:31 PM	#6
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944949	Innovator Cool little piece here, a pretty basic flip on the topic. I felt like it ended somewhat quickly and abruptly, like it was cut short of what it could've been. That being said, I really dug the opening, in particular the second couplet: While irate people hoof along the paths carved by centuries forming a line of feet marching along like aimless centipedes that was really cool. I think if you're verse had more of this kind of writing in it, it would really kick it up a notch. Still a fun read. Adonis That opening bit was real nice. It opens the direction you took the topic, which is also really cool. This didn't blow my mind, but it was concise and it worked well. For someone who isn't feeling like writing, you pulled a nice one off here. Overall I got Adonis taking it with a more interesting take on the topic and a slightly more flushed out piece. v/ Adonis