Week 11: Adonis vs Innovator [ADONIS 6-1

Mr. J · 05-18-2016, 02:28 PM

Inno, a great descriptive tale with some nice wording
the sound & the feels, action & reaction, the internal workings..
the good & the bad, the heat & the cold its all quite extravagant
your stint in the poetry league brought its share of advantages
also its window pane...not pains, regardless I liked the usage.
you dont focus on wild multis & let your simplicity remain obtrusive.
aside from a few errors you craft a delectable tale when you show
hopefully you will stay in the league until the end....ya know?

Winery, this was an interesting twist on the topic.
I read it a few times to understand the vibe you flaunted.
the idea of death as a cab driver is brought together nicely
but the idea of a Frenchmen & the use of *mate* is unlikely
the throw up your arm sequence seemed club songesque.
also the idea of ET & mars could be interpreted in the wrong sense.
aside from that I feel your approach was cool & quite original
if you focused more you would be a dangerous individual...

v/this is a toughie due to both writers using differing styles
I like the way Inno took the descriptive approach an extra mile.
while Adonis took a more original approach while delving deep
Adonis could have cut the ET portion & acted more selfishly...
less is more when it comes to the type of approach that you took
its interesting watching two poetic minds bringing the topical a new look.
I think Im going to have to give this one to Adonis though..
this could go either way because both did work with their topic yo....
but I have Adonis taking this one, nice work young thugs

Three-Planes-Aligned · 05-18-2016, 03:03 PM

Innovator:

Somber, fairly pictorial, but also fairly predictable as far as observational accounts go. Needs an extra element (take your pick): over-arching metaphor, surrealism, mechanical polish, characterization, etc. etc.

Adonis:

Had a line structure that reminded of author James Ellroy's writing style: staccato, restricted - but in so being also stimulating for the imagination. I like air.

Slightly sharper technical execution and more substance (pretty much that extra element) dictates vote goes to Adonis

05-18-2016, 02:28 PM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Inno, a great descriptive tale with some nice wording the sound & the feels, action & reaction, the internal workings.. the good & the bad, the heat & the cold its all quite extravagant your stint in the poetry league brought its share of advantages also its window pane...not pains, regardless I liked the usage. you dont focus on wild multis & let your simplicity remain obtrusive. aside from a few errors you craft a delectable tale when you show hopefully you will stay in the league until the end....ya know? Winery, this was an interesting twist on the topic. I read it a few times to understand the vibe you flaunted. the idea of death as a cab driver is brought together nicely but the idea of a Frenchmen & the use of mate is unlikely the throw up your arm sequence seemed club songesque. also the idea of ET & mars could be interpreted in the wrong sense. aside from that I feel your approach was cool & quite original if you focused more you would be a dangerous individual... v/this is a toughie due to both writers using differing styles I like the way Inno took the descriptive approach an extra mile. while Adonis took a more original approach while delving deep Adonis could have cut the ET portion & acted more selfishly... less is more when it comes to the type of approach that you took its interesting watching two poetic minds bringing the topical a new look. I think Im going to have to give this one to Adonis though.. this could go either way because both did work with their topic yo.... but I have Adonis taking this one, nice work young thugs __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

05-18-2016, 03:03 PM	#2
Three-Planes-Aligned Hyphenated Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: The Black Lodge Posts: 79 Battle Record: 7-8 Rep Power: 549513	Innovator: Somber, fairly pictorial, but also fairly predictable as far as observational accounts go. Needs an extra element (take your pick): over-arching metaphor, surrealism, mechanical polish, characterization, etc. etc. Adonis: Had a line structure that reminded of author James Ellroy's writing style: staccato, restricted - but in so being also stimulating for the imagination. I like air. Slightly sharper technical execution and more substance (pretty much that extra element) dictates vote goes to Adonis