Week 6: Asylum vs. Mr. J (MR. J WINS 5-2)

timeless · 04-13-2016, 09:58 AM

J, it always seem so dissatisfying to read a piece with a photo attached at the end or halfway or wherever. Sometimes it works, mostly it doesn't. You already have a topic, why add a photo? Seems like a subconscious effort to cover up the lack of imagery/description of the piece you just wrote before it. Shits just annoying tbh. As far as the writing goes, this def isnt one of your best verses. It started off slow and disorganized but you capped out on the ending very well. Really enjoyed the last line.

Asylum. This was solid. You came very flow-heavy and organized. The "gamble our asses away" was pretty wack tbh lol. The ending was slick, really brought the whole piece down to earth.

V. Asylum for the more enjoyable read. This was close and I can see it going either way but I just thought pat was too sharp to lay down.

04-13-2016, 09:58 AM	#7
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,625 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	J, it always seem so dissatisfying to read a piece with a photo attached at the end or halfway or wherever. Sometimes it works, mostly it doesn't. You already have a topic, why add a photo? Seems like a subconscious effort to cover up the lack of imagery/description of the piece you just wrote before it. Shits just annoying tbh. As far as the writing goes, this def isnt one of your best verses. It started off slow and disorganized but you capped out on the ending very well. Really enjoyed the last line. Asylum. This was solid. You came very flow-heavy and organized. The "gamble our asses away" was pretty wack tbh lol. The ending was slick, really brought the whole piece down to earth. V. Asylum for the more enjoyable read. This was close and I can see it going either way but I just thought pat was too sharp to lay down.