Week 6: Asylum vs. Mr. J (MR. J WINS 5-2)

Adverse · 04-12-2016, 10:55 PM

This is quite a battle...
I'm not even quite sure where to start guys, both of your verses had their strong points.

Mr. J, I really liked your story, your imagery was strong and your story was compelling, I liked the whole taking off the oculus rift thing though I thought it was going to be a dream in the end. I thought you stuck with the topic well, and put a sad twist on it, and any time you can make a reader feel, there's extra points in that alone, even though I never heard your character's name or seen their face, I felt agony for them, I felt the whole 'reality sucks and life isn't fair' cliche for them. Nice verse my dude.

Asylum, since i'm fairly new I don't know if i've read anything from you previously, but I do know this was a nice verse. The imagery and rhyme scheme is what stuck out the most to me, you kept a consistent flow throughout and made it all stick together impressively, the only things I feel like missing from it was a clear cut story line and the ability to relate to your verse, thing things J did a great job at in my mind, overall I liked both of your stories but I feel like Mr. J got this for those defining factors I outlined a little while ago. Both of you keep writing though because you're both great writers!

Vote - Mr. J

04-12-2016, 10:55 PM	#4
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	This is quite a battle... I'm not even quite sure where to start guys, both of your verses had their strong points. Mr. J, I really liked your story, your imagery was strong and your story was compelling, I liked the whole taking off the oculus rift thing though I thought it was going to be a dream in the end. I thought you stuck with the topic well, and put a sad twist on it, and any time you can make a reader feel, there's extra points in that alone, even though I never heard your character's name or seen their face, I felt agony for them, I felt the whole 'reality sucks and life isn't fair' cliche for them. Nice verse my dude. Asylum, since i'm fairly new I don't know if i've read anything from you previously, but I do know this was a nice verse. The imagery and rhyme scheme is what stuck out the most to me, you kept a consistent flow throughout and made it all stick together impressively, the only things I feel like missing from it was a clear cut story line and the ability to relate to your verse, thing things J did a great job at in my mind, overall I liked both of your stories but I feel like Mr. J got this for those defining factors I outlined a little while ago. Both of you keep writing though because you're both great writers! Vote - Mr. J