Week 6: Artifice vs. Razah (ARTIFICE WINS SHUTOUT 8-0)

[asylum]

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/10 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/12 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic:
“Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.”


Good luck to both participants.
@Artifice (2-1) @Razah (3-1)

[Artifice]

“Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.”
- Robin Williams

a tale from a Robin William's quote begins with paraphrasin' it
one's born great, one achieves it... one receives it as a graduation gift
Rick & Steve need a bus ride, Zack comes by the back of a Benz
3 kids arrive in grade 9 but Zack's from a way higher class than them
one he never had to attend... his teachers & his dad are friends
doesn't matter then if he preps for tests, seems to always be passin' them
but he often gets confused, kids thought he had to be stupid
the sad truth, his tutor's brain did all the work so he never actually used his
parents paid off the board... wasn't a sum they'd not support
to make their son's report card say honours, straight A's & top awards
so Zack remained an ignroamus, vagrant of the upper class
sat with the chumps n' laughed to himself, saw school as a sucker's path
now Steve's a blue collar kid who fully knew what his father did
saw the footsteps that the soot left & yet was still choosin' to follow it
acknowledged in the trades but Steve was faltering in grades
so he took an honest look at his limits... & he called a spade a spade
asked Rick to assist, a friend gifted with a geniuses aptitude
who spent saturday evenings at a desk correctin' Steve 'til he had it too
molded in working class grit, predicaments Steve did battle thru
showed Rick that what Steve lacked in wit he had in discipline & attitude
& Rick perfected any subject without even trying intellectually
impeccable recollections pumped and primed inside of eidetic memories
at any time his mind could record every piece of conscious data
store it in a palace & whenever he wants, or needs... re-watch it later
he remembers everything he sees easy & natural as breathin'
headwraps the fabric of reason, seams thread his scholastic achievements
any dream's his... from magistrate straight to classic historian
& believe that on the day they all graduate, he plays valedictorian
greatness takes different paths, Rick was born a gifted polymath
Steve was born poor but working class morals taught him to give it all he had
but Zack ain't born great or achieve it, so i hate to call him that
cuz the only great life he's seen came as a graduation gift from mom & dad

[Razah]

Who said this shit was easy Man they fucking lied to me
I got everything they wanted I'm the one they'll die to be
Earning every dollar made I never took a pay cut
They seen me at the top but they ain't see me on the way up
They don't see me bust my ass, but I bet they're mad at me
A prayer gave me all I need? That's some fucking blasphemy
So wealth is all I dream of, find me deep inside my lust
My family has money- They don't see me as their blood
I don't see that as a problem, simply motivation
I know it kills you deep inside to know I know I made it
I'm watching as it eats at you, none of this was gifted me
Keep on thinking all your thoughts, that ain't really shit to me
I made it on my lonesome, it made me feel so calm
If life's a game I crushed it, I have greatness in my palm
Heard 'em say I don't deserve it, they could suck my fucking dick
All the stress that I've been through, ya'll could never stomach it
Would you even feel the same if you knew the shit I seen
There's been times I only slept a day's worth with in a week
In my eyes you'll see the hunger even if you never met me
A part of all the drive I have is knowing you would envy
Saw the world for what it was; there's no holding back
I recognize your perception & all your thoughts as only that
I deserve the things I have & now I cherish what I'm worth
Great is where I start- I won't stop until I'm buried in the dirt

[Mr. J]

Artifice, to be honest I cant remember if I read your work
but this verse was impressive. you create a sense of worth
you build upon three separate lives & really mend it nice...
ones gift basically gets him through life desensitized
the others have to work for what they want as most do
one is beyond prideful, while the others remain hopeful.
this was smooth from beginning to end with minor slip ups
you weave a wonderful tale & had a great scheme writ up
I applaud your work here man, no complaints tbh
besides its not in my nature for you to see me hate :)

Razah, I HATED this shit, just kidding brah dont get uptight
but this was different from your usual work this seemed pro(fuck life)
your flow is one of the cleanest that Ive recently come across
but this week for me it seems like you threw something off...
in fact this reminds me of a verse I did when I first started in AOWL
but Im not going to delve to deep into that, but honestly...what the hell?
I know you get lazy at times but this was kind of ridiculous even for you
I wanted to see you come through with something slick, I dont believe in you dude...
but we all have our off moments, some more than others...
hopefully you pull it together next week younger brother.

v/Artifice, He came through with a stronger story than Razah
he shelled out 3 lives, while his opponents was focused on papah
which is commendable but if your opponent drops over 30 plus
it would help if you brought more to the table to serve me up.
although I did find Razahs verse enjoyable due to the profanity
hard work & dedication will always trump over any type of vanity


word...

[Adverse]

Artifice:
This was a great read actually, I thought it could use some fine tuning while switching between characters but the content was dope, your vocabulary was great, too. I liked the story, hard work beats talent as they say, and there's a bigger spot in the world for people like Steve and Rick than there is for Zach. Reality hurts once you hit it knowing you've been living a lie. Good piece man.

Razah:
Your verse wasn't really bad but didn't have much of a story element to it and felt rush, I don't think i've read any of your previous work but I feel like you can do much better than that, like i'm saying it isn't a bad verse, it would sound great over a beat more than likely, just in the situation of this league I don't think it fit very well, keep pushing fam.

Vote - Art
A better told story, great vocab and the works. Razah just didn't do enough in my eyes.

[symetrik]

artifice's piece

hawt

Rick & Steve need a bus ride, Zack comes by the back of a Benz
3 kids arrive in grade 9 but Zack's from a way higher class than them

RICK THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA RICK. no but really, loved the flow of this.

now Steve's a blue collar kid who fully knew what his father did
saw the footsteps that the soot left & yet was still choosin' to follow it

greatness takes different paths, Rick was born a gifted polymath
Steve was born poor but working class morals taught him to give it all he had

nawt

a tale from a Robin William's quote begins with paraphrasin' it
one's born great, one achieves it... one receives it as a graduation gift

just didn't add to the piece for me.

razah's piece

hawt

I deserve the things I have & now I cherish what I'm worth
Great is where I start- I won't stop until I'm buried in the dirt

honestly had a hard time liking this piece, but this line was /really/ nice in my opinion.

nawt

I made it on my lonesome, it made me feel so calm
If life's a game I crushed it, I have greatness in my palm
Heard 'em say I don't deserve it, they could suck my fucking dick
All the stress that I've been through, ya'll could never stomach it

mvgt: artifice for a much more coherent, on topic piece

[asylum]

MVGT: Artifice this week. Artifice's story rung all the right bells, for me. His story was sufficient to beat out his opponents alternate approach by subject matter alone. Breakdowns in mag.

[Just Write]

So this battle is closer than the votes will read. Art, very nice piece. And I remember you from in 2013 or so as magic, I see you bro. Very nice piece here, your descriptive tone is great. Very nice job on this.

Razah, you know I'm a fan bro but this week I don't think you did quite enough, I mean don't get me wrong your piece is great it just left me wanting more where as art's piece left me satisfied a bit more so that's why this week

mvgt= art

[breathless]

Artifice,

now Steve's a blue collar kid who fully knew what his father did
saw the footsteps that the soot left & yet was still choosin' to follow it
acknowledged in the trades but Steve was faltering in grades
so he took an honest look at his limits... & he called a spade a spade

damn

Great take on the theme, name use was on point and didn't feel forced. Although the main basis was predictable after the premise was set you did a good job with making believable and entertaining story scenes.

Razah, this was some raw hip hop shit, after noticing the cadence a few lines in, it was like I wasn't consciously reading it, just hearing it with my eyeballs. I like that you did a 1st person piece rather than the classical story style, I think this form is often overlooked, but, it's my slice of tea. But, that being said, it did sort of get mehy in the middle, and, doing a verse like this in a storytelling dominant league, you gotta go ham as a extra meat Hawaiian pizza in order to compete. This ain't bad, but, it just wasn't ain't bad enough

Vote - Artifice

[timeless]

Art, I appreciate the ambition you displayed here. You have a strong, natural course in your writing that really shows your ceiling rather than your floor as a writer. Your floor is what you make it, and if it's shown here, you are going to go far here. Alot of people approach storytelling rugged and fast, almost always losing the reader at first glance, inserting multiple rhyme fillers to keep the verse from stagnating when in reality it does exactly that. You don't have these qualities, at least not displayed here. Solid verse.

Razah, seen much better from you, where is this rut you are stuck in so we can help dig you out? Conceptually, you came as straight forward as possible, nding it with nothing exciting, no twist. Not saying this was bad, just I know you can do better. The first half was rampant, while the second caught more ground that you intended. Work on your word progression, ease into what you're writing before you blast out of the cannon trying to find a highlight of an ending.

V. Artifice

[Frank]

MVGT Artifice

Interesting battle. Liked how Razahs verse came off as an indepth look into Artifices drawn out characters: that emotional aspect Razah brought was missing from Artifices work. Enjoyed Artifices story of the have vs the have nots and the disillusion of grandeur. I remember MagiC distinctively, Welcome back. Ultimately Artifices complexity,vocabulary and arch of his story line won out against the straight edge approach of The Razah