DQd AOWL verse

[Artifice]

This was a cool read, and for the first writing in a while, it's pretty good. That being said, there's things about it I would change. Mostly the fourth quartet, the rhyme scheme really doesn't work for me... you've got plenty of the right words there, they just don't seem to be placed properly.

'Cause if you must know, I was a coward in the rough,
a starving artist, being devoured by his brushstrokes.
No method to this madness, just obsession, and passion,
but that all came crashing to an end… every damned dream crushed whole in a fraction of a second.

That's your quartet. What if you did this...

cause if you must know, i was a coward who had a rough go
a starving artist, slowly being devoured by all his brushstrokes
passion method to madness... craft in obsession
which comes crashing to an end when my dreams r crushed whole in fractions of a second

I think that carries the same content, but cleans up the rhymes. Let me know if you disagree. Other than that quartet, the first two lines of the last quartet use a slant rhyme that doesn't really work. gallery/handling don't really rhyme.

There were also parts of this I really liked.

What once was a sanctuary has became a death trap, anxious, buried,
breath raspy as I grasp at these past demons and face them squarely.

That there was dope. Nice imagery, nice rhyme scheme, slant rhyme that works really well... this right here is the 'never forget how to ride a bike' poking through... keep writing and your whole verse will grow out of this here...

I liked what I read, and I'm going to look for more of your work.