Week 5: Jesodist vs. Vividlyvague (VIVIDLYVAGUE WINS 4-2)

Just Write · 04-05-2016, 04:27 PM

Another good battle this week

Jesodist, I know you think I pick on you in my feedback sometimes but that's not the case, I just call them how I see them.. as far as this piece is concerned I thoroughly enjoyed it besides some minor gripes, one being how you Capitolized random words which was odd, also some of your wording was synonymous to the actual words I think you meant, scene being one of those, I'm sure you meant seen but it still threw me off a bit, same with advise, I'm pretty sure you meant advice.. and if you did mean advise them grammatically it was wrong. Besides those small nitpick your descriptivness was beyond good, this type of dark writing I can deal with, in fact I like the edgy feeling you brought.. some great imagery as well. I feel if you just tighten up a few things you could do some serious damage in this league, props

Vividlyvague,

Sup homie, this was a dope drop as well, I can see you really fell into the character of the boy, I did however think you were all over the place in terms of one second he was a kid, the next a teenager, then back to a kid and then finally an adult, I know you returned to it as "memories" but I still feel you could have worded it better to make it not so sporadic, I do understand you said you have a lot going with the NBL and school so that might have had something to do with it, also the word viasage is mispronounced.. at least if you were trying to rhyme it with image.. come to think about it though youight be from the uk if I remember it right so that might be a factor. Either way enjoyed the read.

Ok so I totally thought coming into this battle that VV was going to take it but I found more entertainment in jesodist'jesodist's piece this week and based on that I am going to give him the nod this week

Mvgt= jesodist

04-05-2016, 04:27 PM	#5
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	Another good battle this week Jesodist, I know you think I pick on you in my feedback sometimes but that's not the case, I just call them how I see them.. as far as this piece is concerned I thoroughly enjoyed it besides some minor gripes, one being how you Capitolized random words which was odd, also some of your wording was synonymous to the actual words I think you meant, scene being one of those, I'm sure you meant seen but it still threw me off a bit, same with advise, I'm pretty sure you meant advice.. and if you did mean advise them grammatically it was wrong. Besides those small nitpick your descriptivness was beyond good, this type of dark writing I can deal with, in fact I like the edgy feeling you brought.. some great imagery as well. I feel if you just tighten up a few things you could do some serious damage in this league, props Vividlyvague, Sup homie, this was a dope drop as well, I can see you really fell into the character of the boy, I did however think you were all over the place in terms of one second he was a kid, the next a teenager, then back to a kid and then finally an adult, I know you returned to it as "memories" but I still feel you could have worded it better to make it not so sporadic, I do understand you said you have a lot going with the NBL and school so that might have had something to do with it, also the word viasage is mispronounced.. at least if you were trying to rhyme it with image.. come to think about it though youight be from the uk if I remember it right so that might be a factor. Either way enjoyed the read. Ok so I totally thought coming into this battle that VV was going to take it but I found more entertainment in jesodist'jesodist's piece this week and based on that I am going to give him the nod this week Mvgt= jesodist __________________