Week 5: Frank vs. Razah (FRANK WINS SHUTOUT 7-0)

e11even · 04-05-2016, 12:27 PM

Razah- this piece was a simple and mildly enjoyable read. I only have one complaint tho:
I buried friends that never led to the pain that I feel
I didn't really dig the wording in this line. It just stuck out to me. This was an ok effort, but clearly not your best. This ok for what it was though. Thanks for showing.

Frank- up until the end I thought Sanjeer was the handler's name. Tch. Good story. As per your usual, you managed a freakishly long end rhyme scheme. My only gripe is that this led to some weird word choices for the sake of rhyming. It was pretty obvious in points . Aside from that, this was a solid story with great rhyming and an interesting ending. Good job.

MVGT Frank for the more thoroughly fleshed out passage.

04-05-2016, 12:27 PM	#6
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Razah- this piece was a simple and mildly enjoyable read. I only have one complaint tho: I buried friends that never led to the pain that I feel I didn't really dig the wording in this line. It just stuck out to me. This was an ok effort, but clearly not your best. This ok for what it was though. Thanks for showing. Frank- up until the end I thought Sanjeer was the handler's name. Tch. Good story. As per your usual, you managed a freakishly long end rhyme scheme. My only gripe is that this led to some weird word choices for the sake of rhyming. It was pretty obvious in points . Aside from that, this was a solid story with great rhyming and an interesting ending. Good job. MVGT Frank for the more thoroughly fleshed out passage. __________________ Ahem.