Week 5: Symetrik vs. 2tripple0 (SYMETRIK WINS SHUTOUT 7-0))

Just Write · 04-02-2016, 07:45 PM

Sym, your piece confused me a little, it seemed like your character was a male but I'm pretty sure the person depicted in the picture is a woman, either way I actually enjoyed your piece for the most part, although bunker cots are not flimsy, actually pretty sturdy if you ask me :p also I've never felt a burning sensation in my throat when I tried not to cry. Also I believe if you took just a little bit more time re-reading your piece and addied/subtracted certain words this would have read much smoother, all in all good job on staying on topic, you can definitely improve but not bad overall

2trip,
Lol tf did I just read? Idk either but I rather enjoyed it.... just gunna put this out there, comma's can help your piece greatly, comma's are the difference between "helping your uncle jack, off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse"... they make a big difference. As far as the content went.. I enjoyed it but literally have no idea where it ties into the topic.. it was more of a bravado piece, and while I enjoyed some parts (first couple lines were my fav) I just don't think it related to the topic enough for me personally.

Mvgt= symetrik for imo a more solid take on the topic

04-02-2016, 07:45 PM	#1
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	Sym, your piece confused me a little, it seemed like your character was a male but I'm pretty sure the person depicted in the picture is a woman, either way I actually enjoyed your piece for the most part, although bunker cots are not flimsy, actually pretty sturdy if you ask me :p also I've never felt a burning sensation in my throat when I tried not to cry. Also I believe if you took just a little bit more time re-reading your piece and addied/subtracted certain words this would have read much smoother, all in all good job on staying on topic, you can definitely improve but not bad overall 2trip, Lol tf did I just read? Idk either but I rather enjoyed it.... just gunna put this out there, comma's can help your piece greatly, comma's are the difference between "helping your uncle jack, off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse"... they make a big difference. As far as the content went.. I enjoyed it but literally have no idea where it ties into the topic.. it was more of a bravado piece, and while I enjoyed some parts (first couple lines were my fav) I just don't think it related to the topic enough for me personally. Mvgt= symetrik for imo a more solid take on the topic __________________