Week 2: Frank vs. Mr. J (FRANK WINS SHUTOUT 8-0)

The Law · 03-14-2016, 09:04 PM

Mr. J - To be blunt, you just didn't make it interesting. Aside from a line or too that was wordy and put a hiccup in the flow, the writing was there. It was smooth and progressed through the story. But that's just it, it just started, progressed, and ended with no excitement or real climax and resolution. It was there, but it was so light that the aspects that make a great story seemed transparent in your verse. Making your verses interesting are vital to winning. You need us to like it, to hate it, or make us relate to it some form of emotion or experience.

Frank - Storyline was cool and I liked how you turned it into theme with the topic you were presented. Flow was good for the most part but there were some areas that were just off completely. For me the best part was the story itself. I thought the writing techniques used could have been a bit better. The dialogue was lacking. I was hating the fact you kept scheming with Tye. It's okay sometimes when using it in a way that benefits the verse. But majority of the time as with any type of writing even outside of the lyrical side, you want to stray from using repetitiveness.

MVGT: Frank - Both had there ups and down for me in this battle. It comes down to the bulk of the storylines and the way they were used and I thought Frank's was just more interesting.

03-14-2016, 09:04 PM	#11
The Law Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 86 Battle Record: 3-2 Rep Power: 238319	Mr. J - To be blunt, you just didn't make it interesting. Aside from a line or too that was wordy and put a hiccup in the flow, the writing was there. It was smooth and progressed through the story. But that's just it, it just started, progressed, and ended with no excitement or real climax and resolution. It was there, but it was so light that the aspects that make a great story seemed transparent in your verse. Making your verses interesting are vital to winning. You need us to like it, to hate it, or make us relate to it some form of emotion or experience. Frank - Storyline was cool and I liked how you turned it into theme with the topic you were presented. Flow was good for the most part but there were some areas that were just off completely. For me the best part was the story itself. I thought the writing techniques used could have been a bit better. The dialogue was lacking. I was hating the fact you kept scheming with Tye. It's okay sometimes when using it in a way that benefits the verse. But majority of the time as with any type of writing even outside of the lyrical side, you want to stray from using repetitiveness. MVGT: Frank - Both had there ups and down for me in this battle. It comes down to the bulk of the storylines and the way they were used and I thought Frank's was just more interesting. __________________