Week 2: Sral vs. Jesodist (SRAL WINS SHUTOUT 8-0)

Mr. J · 03-14-2016, 02:13 AM

Lars, its nice to see you pull the old ball & chain out & swing it about
From the start of your piece I could tell I was going to enjoy your route
you put a lot of real life events into place & shine with your perspective
what I enjoyed about this is is how fluent you are, much respect kid...
at the drop of a dime you were capable of making the topic your own
the ability to shed light on your troubles in the past had me like...whoa
& as I progressed through your piece I saw the troubles & the answers
the growth & maturity that you showcase is truly....spectacular...
nice work bruh...

JESODIST, I have a hard time trying to figure out what your focus is
the first page of your opening felt cool but the rhymes were wrapped in hopelessness
I was saddened by the time I finished this page because I know you can write
by the second page I feel like that all you really wanted to do is...rhyme..
& thats cool but you need to understand that you need to mold your words into a story
perhaps you need to allow yourself to loosen up...you think you could do that for me?
I would like to see you advance in the league & bring forth some amazing work
you have showcased you can play with words & write your ass off now...show your worth..
k...

v/sraL, I feel that he had the more cohesive piece compared to his opponent
JESODIST came out rhyming like crazy but didnt have the story to close it...
sraL brought a piece that most can relate to & gives him the better advantage
with more work & a stronger performance JESODIST could have had it
but sraL took this by landslide...
nice work fellas............Bandai

03-14-2016, 02:13 AM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Lars, its nice to see you pull the old ball & chain out & swing it about From the start of your piece I could tell I was going to enjoy your route you put a lot of real life events into place & shine with your perspective what I enjoyed about this is is how fluent you are, much respect kid... at the drop of a dime you were capable of making the topic your own the ability to shed light on your troubles in the past had me like...whoa & as I progressed through your piece I saw the troubles & the answers the growth & maturity that you showcase is truly....spectacular... nice work bruh... JESODIST, I have a hard time trying to figure out what your focus is the first page of your opening felt cool but the rhymes were wrapped in hopelessness I was saddened by the time I finished this page because I know you can write by the second page I feel like that all you really wanted to do is...rhyme.. & thats cool but you need to understand that you need to mold your words into a story perhaps you need to allow yourself to loosen up...you think you could do that for me? I would like to see you advance in the league & bring forth some amazing work you have showcased you can play with words & write your ass off now...show your worth.. k... v/sraL, I feel that he had the more cohesive piece compared to his opponent JESODIST came out rhyming like crazy but didnt have the story to close it... sraL brought a piece that most can relate to & gives him the better advantage with more work & a stronger performance JESODIST could have had it but sraL took this by landslide... nice work fellas............Bandai __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you