Week 1: Asylum vs. Frank (FRANK WINS SHUT OUT 7-0)

UnbornBuddha · 03-07-2016, 01:49 PM

Asylum: I interpreted this as a tale of lovers, reminded me of Romeo and Juliet for some reason, the tragic tale of love and lost, of death and life-sustaining love. A little Shakespearean in the diction, but there were fundamental problems. Clarity never beckoned the reader into an insight, and there were some slight misspellings "microscope" is a noun and it did not work in that context, you needed to modify it adverbially. Also there was some small nuances such as meat instead of meet. Which while very pedantic perhaps to point out, when facing strong opponents such mistakes do matter considerably. Nevertheless, it was a solid piece.

Frank: The man who always shrouds himself in controversial light. The narrative was of a Chinese farmer and while nothing ever happened plot wise, the concept of just depicting the simple and peaceful life farmer was good. I also am fond of your descriptions that make your pieces so you. Lately many have found your pieces overburdened due to your stubbornness of your stylistic mark of always rhyming the same scheme, more of less. Sometimes it comes off as impressive other times as annoying because it is filled with weird wording that could had been avoided if you had more leniency in your rhythmic approach. But, frankly Frank if you did change that then your pieces though perhaps evolved would suffer because it would change what makes your writing so you. This was good, I enjoyed it.

Vote: Frank

03-07-2016, 01:49 PM	#10
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Asylum: I interpreted this as a tale of lovers, reminded me of Romeo and Juliet for some reason, the tragic tale of love and lost, of death and life-sustaining love. A little Shakespearean in the diction, but there were fundamental problems. Clarity never beckoned the reader into an insight, and there were some slight misspellings "microscope" is a noun and it did not work in that context, you needed to modify it adverbially. Also there was some small nuances such as meat instead of meet. Which while very pedantic perhaps to point out, when facing strong opponents such mistakes do matter considerably. Nevertheless, it was a solid piece. Frank: The man who always shrouds himself in controversial light. The narrative was of a Chinese farmer and while nothing ever happened plot wise, the concept of just depicting the simple and peaceful life farmer was good. I also am fond of your descriptions that make your pieces so you. Lately many have found your pieces overburdened due to your stubbornness of your stylistic mark of always rhyming the same scheme, more of less. Sometimes it comes off as impressive other times as annoying because it is filled with weird wording that could had been avoided if you had more leniency in your rhythmic approach. But, frankly Frank if you did change that then your pieces though perhaps evolved would suffer because it would change what makes your writing so you. This was good, I enjoyed it. Vote: Frank