Week 1: Jesodist vs. Razah (RAZAH WINS SHUTOUT 7-0)

Alice White · 03-06-2016, 04:06 PM

JESODIST -

I actually liked the core concept of this. But your execution of the topic and the rather random set of lines slightly threw me off while reading, especially towards your middle section, such as the Dominion line. The narrative was also rather vague. Flow was more or less smooth, though! And some of your multis were nice, such as the river of wealth one. Decent read here. It would've been great to see a concise story though, with a thorough beginning and closure, as this felt rather unbalanced.

Razah -

I thoroughly loved the emotional layers in this. This was an amazingly smooth read with very good imagery and lots of quotables. There's actually nothing really to negatively criticise here. I particularly enjoyed the closing lines the most.

Mvgt - Razah

03-06-2016, 04:06 PM	#7
Alice White Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 72 Rep Power: 0	JESODIST - I actually liked the core concept of this. But your execution of the topic and the rather random set of lines slightly threw me off while reading, especially towards your middle section, such as the Dominion line. The narrative was also rather vague. Flow was more or less smooth, though! And some of your multis were nice, such as the river of wealth one. Decent read here. It would've been great to see a concise story though, with a thorough beginning and closure, as this felt rather unbalanced. Razah - I thoroughly loved the emotional layers in this. This was an amazingly smooth read with very good imagery and lots of quotables. There's actually nothing really to negatively criticise here. I particularly enjoyed the closing lines the most. Mvgt - Razah __________________ https://theprincesstroll.wordpress.com