"To Be A Gangster" by Tom and Celph Taut

Pharaohs Army · 03-05-2016, 06:51 AM

Bunch of good rhyming and clever phrasing in here
^better still with british accent or at least my attempt at it
But

Storytelling must be tightened up, both for clarity and brevity

some redundant and "formal"-type poetic phrases... personally I think they don't always "mix well" with the other lines of straightforward gangster sentiments

I'm sure there is a way to mix them, but it can be done better because the talent can be seen

if you wish, i will edit in some examples/explain further- within a few days

03-05-2016, 06:51 AM	#2
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Bunch of good rhyming and clever phrasing in here ^better still with british accent or at least my attempt at it But Storytelling must be tightened up, both for clarity and brevity some redundant and "formal"-type poetic phrases... personally I think they don't always "mix well" with the other lines of straightforward gangster sentiments I'm sure there is a way to mix them, but it can be done better because the talent can be seen if you wish, i will edit in some examples/explain further- within a few days