Pent uP vs. Cimmerian - OPEN FOR VOTES

Mr. J · 02-03-2016, 08:14 PM

Cimmerian, upon reading your verse I feel that the read was quite easy on the eyes compared to previous competitors
you allow the flow of your piece to carry the reader to a different place the story has all the necessary requirements
a plot full of references to this place in which everything is happening, the poetic vibe makes is appreciated because I dislike when there is a bunch of unnecessary word use.
it makes it less entertaining for me to work through a jumbled piece.
I feel that the stand out lines for me was the whole piece but the stone tablets/habits section felt crisp.
very nice work here.

Pent, I really enjoyed this piece about halfway through, it reminded me of Twilight Zone by Lupe
that beginning though I couldnt get past it for a moment because of the children/villain rhyme
I wanted to make it work so I ended up adding a accent to it and started saying vil yen
regardless once I continued on I started to catch on where you were going with this & enjoyed the circus/circuits rhyme
I feel as though this was more scattered compared to your previous works, but the overall story was worth the read.
I would have liked to see this story unfold more but this was quite the appetizing dish.

v/I have read both pieces 3 times to make sure that I am making the right decision.
I feel both competitors brought interesting styles to the table one writing more than the other
& yet I feel let down due to the fact I hoped for a much more fulfilling read Im not saying the pieces weren't great I just feel like you 2 could have went much further with your pieces
its hard enough pitting a shorter verse against a much longer verse due to the crisp execution
I decided that I am voting in Cimmerians favor due to his execution being smooth as well as the overall flow
while reading Pents verse I stumbled on a few rhymes and felt confused for the first half of the verse
but after picking it up I really enjoyed the verse as a whole but felt it lacked that old Pent appeal.
the inners of the second half were amazing but that opening just made me feel dirty...

v/Cimmerian

02-03-2016, 08:14 PM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Cimmerian, upon reading your verse I feel that the read was quite easy on the eyes compared to previous competitors you allow the flow of your piece to carry the reader to a different place the story has all the necessary requirements a plot full of references to this place in which everything is happening, the poetic vibe makes is appreciated because I dislike when there is a bunch of unnecessary word use. it makes it less entertaining for me to work through a jumbled piece. I feel that the stand out lines for me was the whole piece but the stone tablets/habits section felt crisp. very nice work here. Pent, I really enjoyed this piece about halfway through, it reminded me of Twilight Zone by Lupe that beginning though I couldnt get past it for a moment because of the children/villain rhyme I wanted to make it work so I ended up adding a accent to it and started saying vil yen regardless once I continued on I started to catch on where you were going with this & enjoyed the circus/circuits rhyme I feel as though this was more scattered compared to your previous works, but the overall story was worth the read. I would have liked to see this story unfold more but this was quite the appetizing dish. v/I have read both pieces 3 times to make sure that I am making the right decision. I feel both competitors brought interesting styles to the table one writing more than the other & yet I feel let down due to the fact I hoped for a much more fulfilling read Im not saying the pieces weren't great I just feel like you 2 could have went much further with your pieces its hard enough pitting a shorter verse against a much longer verse due to the crisp execution I decided that I am voting in Cimmerians favor due to his execution being smooth as well as the overall flow while reading Pents verse I stumbled on a few rhymes and felt confused for the first half of the verse but after picking it up I really enjoyed the verse as a whole but felt it lacked that old Pent appeal. the inners of the second half were amazing but that opening just made me feel dirty... v/Cimmerian __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you