Objective Vs grafx OPEN FOR VOTES

[Inno]

LGPA Season 2: Week III



Check ins: WednesdayMidnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:




Goodluck

[grafx]

-PAUSE-

Life starts off pure when born,
Then come the;

Flaws and imperfections.
No!
Thoughts of misconception.
Maybe.
Lost so in come questions.
Also.
All incomes expensive.

-PAUSE-

Life starts off pure when born,
Then come;

A delicious intellegence mixed with
tart bitter lies
part pinch of time
and ambition with ellegant fixes.
Addictions become cost effecient,
food taxes rise,
new laws are strikes,
while image is all glamoured business.

-PAUSE-

Life starts off pure,
Then;

U S of A is a contradiction,
but I'm american,
its my heritage,
so im proud but freedom's non-existant.
People get brave and become a victim.
Who won't care again?
Who will spare a sec?
Reality becomes all confliction.

-PAUSE-

Life starts;

and now its ending.
Drugs ate brain cells.
Drinking drained health.
My mind ate empty.

-PAUSE-

Life,

starts out pure as falling snow.
White lies become tribulations.
Disguised while here comes pursuasion.
The mind has been taught to grow.
Over time famined age lets go.
There are no right situations.
There are no right mediations.
The mind we hold feeds new souls.

-PAUSE-

Enjoy the beauty that surrounds us
because before you know it, that life can be gone!

[Objective]

in. Will post once I get time to write some and can post something up. Won't read your verse in order to keep it ''fair''. Thanks for posting early. :)

[Objective]

What if I could turn a silhouette into the theory of coexistence?
Not just aiming in on the closest sun in the distance,
vaccines, infections, the therapist when he listens,
conscious breathing mechanisms and subconscious emotional resistance that keeps me afloat for another day...
Maybe the exact right amount of persistence to bring forth my visions
is my mittens when I remove the burnt steak that outlines death and the source of creation.

Not just talking about the violent divorce that left a hole to be torn,
I guess I don't think about it much cuz my brother was never born.
But the evolution of atoms, dust and all that existential crap
that Greydon Square feels deeply for when he performs a rap
might just be a language barrier in short,
a glitch,
a trap.
Math.

This carbon based life form took part of eternity to create,
it takes more than bringing insanity on a field day to work and a dozen Dr.Who's to investigate.
Elevate towards heavens gates in vague attempts
to redefine a meaningful reason to be alive for the millionth time..
Perhaps this matrix is nothing but a conscious collective to grasp everything and turn elements into matter that we can ''observe''.
In this I thrive.

Even H20 evolves through a basic understanding of development that progress at molecular level is the only natural step forward.
But what the fuck do I know?
I'm just the photographer.
You just observe the fruits
of my labor.

And you picture me the way I picture you;
a silhouette in the distance
making peace with
existence.

[Inno]

@Adonis @Vulgar @slecht @Frank

lets get this one done fellas

[Adonis]

Tough vote. You each executed your concept well. Graf had the more poetical vibe to and had the better layout, but Ob had the depth I feel, though Graf was not far behind in that aspect. I enjoyed the flow of each, though rhyming is not needed here IMO, regardless, the pace you both set moved quickly and shifted seamlessly. This is based purely off preference because i do think the verses were similar in terms of mechanics and the like.

In the end though, while I enjoyed the views OB gave me of a photographer examining life and explaining how he sees it, I enjoyed the question of freedom and time just a tad more.

v/GrafX

[2tripple0]

Aye I felt like this was close as well I wasn't really impressed overly with either verse but for the two of you I think there was an understanding objective seemed to present about the rhymes that graph just wasn't on the same level his rhymes were too plain even though his structure was unique where I think objective struggled with talking size of lines compared to words and diction so therefore between the two objective strikes me as more interesting and captivating since I wasn't able to contain enough substance while reading Grafs verse so"........

Vote objective

[Vulgar]

@grafx - I have to appreciate when someone exposes the reflective nature of their thoughts and comes at new, different angles, which you practiced here. Your level of writing, however, is a fraction of the way there. The use of the pauses were void for me, because in poetry, the spacing of stanzas ensures that there is a natural, unspoken and form-abiding pause which the reader can identify for themselves. The content/premise of the poem seemed to be a mixture of life's beauties and also its vulnerabilities and woes. The USA was mentioned which partially threw off the openly 'nature' related theme for me. I think you'll improve in the coming months, but please do keep experimenting with your craft & style!

@Objective - In opportune moments like these you are showing off your writing prowess which has grown to be silky and possesses a commoner's personable writer's voice. Commoner not for its simplicity, but more in the regard that it speaks to the Everyman, a strength considering this was philosophical at its core. I like that you transition well, i.e. 'in this I thrive' was very machine-like yet also very human of the character to say. The only constructive criticism I have is to keep refining stuff like this, to keep pouring it through a filtration system where you iron out the kinks, insert pertinent language, and use conciseness as your compass. There's no doubt a lot of thought went into this. The way I look at it, is that if you can display to the reader a 'code' using language, and they grasp it much easier than they thought - far easier than trying to decipher an actual scientific theory, then they will thank you for it with their eyes, ears, further perceptions, and more. Keep doing.

My vote goes to Objective for outclassing his opponent.

[Inno]

Objective wins