Round One: Chat and Prediction

[Diode]

razah v inno and bags v mr. j i voted on yesterday

[Mr. J]

@Frank I see you lurking my sweet sweet minx you want this work...





I'll even use your style against you...

[Mr. J]

Actually.... @Frank you have to earn my presence again I called you out numerous times and you hid in.a poets league....carry on

[Cimmerian]

Originally Posted by Pharaohs Army

Bringing this up as a chat item, a perspective from a relatively green topical voter/writer

I've read the @MMLP vs. @PentUp verses a couple times each.

Was about to vote, but I truly don't feel like I can contribute a vote. I am leaning slightly towards one, but...I'm not bein a dick here; it's just not my "thing", but I will keep dipping my foot in the water.

As a man of words I'm having trouble expressing what I wanna express here, let alone attempting to express a "vote explanation", lol.

Obviously some good metaphors in both.. And good rhyming.. Just... too thick. Too heavy..

I guess it's personal stylistic preference.
You guys are too good and rhymie for your own good... i.e. I enjoy super-rhymie stuff, but (TO ME) it seems to work better if it's bragging or violence or humor or battlez... as opposed to a serious topic or story, where one should strive to be concise despite one's instinct to rhymerhymerhyme.
for example MMLP is a dope writer(his verse in AOWL impressed me big-time), but tbh I view his first-round story here as over-rhymed and kinda shitty. Meaning it's superfluous.
and PentUp... too thick bro. Redundant a few times. BUT I MEAN ITS GOOD WRITING, BOTH OF THEM

So yeah I'm 0-6 and don't have too much credibility, but I Hope ya'll in this terny understand what I'm trying to convey here.
Like I said. Dip feets in water. *Back to keying jarbled mania, I guess*. lol.

&thanks to voters-- in my first round vs. Witty-- for the constructive tips and breakdowns. I realize technicality is usually my downfall in anything I do... Few days ago I was taking my verse apart and trying like 5 different ways to display it. Frustrating tbh. Ended up just going with my original format. Basically I'll take L as long as people understand that limitless kinda rhymes with fingertips.
Ironically, in most things I write I put technicality above all else. Which I guess we could say is a big problem, since I often fail@'showing' others. It's been years of a struggle lemme tellya.

I coulda just said I didn't vote so I could "save votes" for ppl who need them.
P.S. @Adonis^ I haven't crunched the numbers but I have a feeling that mathematically voters who are "late to the party" might be left in the cold and could be killed by the voting rule, particuarly if there are a bunch of sweeps. So plz take that into account before you actually punish anyone by the letter of the law.. I understand it's a fine line though-- not voting(lazy) VS. not voting early(and being screwed).

GL all in next rds

@Pharaohs Army

You definitely should vote and share your thoughts. If people get annoyed by them, it's their problem.

I voted on the first three battles that were open. I didn't have a chance to read yours. I did this morning. My suggestions are:

1. Try to strive to rhyme more. I understand that you are of the mind that "rhyming" is best suited for violence and battling. But that's a minority view. You are essentially ignoring the library of rap music that doesn't deal with those topics.

2. Try to work on phrasing. For example, you wrote:

"but i think i'll be Sedentary- until i reach the cemetery."

The idea is great for the topic. Could it be improved by revising it to "sedentary until the cemetery?" I think so.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

Keep writing.

Cimm.

[2tripple0]

I'm sorry I haven't been online recently I'm looking for the best way to stay online but it's difficult I wish I could participate more and understand people not enjoying my work because it has suffered as a result....

[TYSON]

Just deduct my votes for next round. 14hr shift today and no shows give me no motivation to vote on others. My bad..

[Ghost1]

Originally Posted by 2tripple0

I'm sorry I haven't been online recently I'm looking for the best way to stay online but it's difficult I wish I could participate more and understand people not enjoying my work because it has suffered as a result....

Your work suffers cuz ur handicapped tho....not cuz u not online enuff. Dont be so hard on urself bruh.

[Witty]

Voted on 3.

[Diode]

i'm all voted up cuh

[2tripple0]

I feel you but inprovement takes time to choose how I am doing it dont cre if its right or wrong so getting here is hard enough these days shrugg

[2tripple0]

I should vote but I'm just getting online for first time in ages fuck I need to bro up

[Pharaohs Army]

Originally Posted by Cimmerian

@Pharaohs Army

You definitely should vote and share your thoughts. If people get annoyed by them, it's their problem.

I voted on the first three battles that were open. I didn't have a chance to read yours. I did this morning. My suggestions are:

1. Try to strive to rhyme more. I understand that you are of the mind that "rhyming" is best suited for violence and battling. But that's a minority view. You are essentially ignoring the library of rap music that doesn't deal with those topics.

2. Try to work on phrasing. For example, you wrote:

"but i think i'll be Sedentary- until i reach the cemetery."

The idea is great for the topic. Could it be improved by revising it to "sedentary until the cemetery?" I think so.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

Keep writing.

Cimm.

Appreciate the comment, and also the phraseology suggestions.

I'll try to clarify-- I didn't Not Vote on the battle because I was worried about other people being annoyed by my thoughts... I didn't vote because I felt so out of my element to the point where I could not even judge, much less be fair or explanatory.
Basically, I can see that it's "good writing", but to my brain it's just too much.
I'd like to think I can Be abstract, Write abstract, Appreciate abstract, write metaphorically, write story-telling, etc etc

But when I read both verses I just think "what?..why?"
I am not knocking rhymes.. rhymez are our thing here..
I am just saying that, in my opinion, over-phrasing something, or wording a sentence in a convoluted matter for the sake of rhyme, turns me off in topical environment, whereas in cyphers/battlez/humor/violence/brags... I consider it par for the course, and like to do it myself.

Maybe I just can't admit to myself that I'm out of my element or In over my head; lol.
--

"but i think i'll be Sedentary- until i reach the cemetery."

Could it be improved by revising it to "sedentary until the cemetery?" I think so.

(already being hypocritical) I usually think in terms of multi-syllables... so I guess I flowered that phrase up, for rhyme. lol

I'm not "stressing" these aspects, but if you'll notice "be" and "reach"... hell, I could go back even further and point out "think" and "til".

Perhaps I just see/hear things differently.
For example, in Buddha's verse:

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=122388

pinot grij said:
GC - I felt like rhyming nuclear/nucleus is taking the easy road too much.

Razah said:
Although, I disagree with Pinot about the nuclear/nucleus rhyme. While reading, crucifix/nucleus & nuclear/ruined her are what rhymed to me.

Argh said:
The "sewer, dirt" and "nuclear/nucleus" rhymes were my only pain points.

I disagree with all...
from GC's verse I see:

code of Lucifer
sown to the crucifix.
(ex)plosions became nuclear
showed us their nucleus.

Now, I'm not disagreeing that we've all seen "cleaner" excerpts from GC.
But frankly I'm a little perplexed at how dope writers such as yourselves can not see these obvious multi's.
When rhyming phrases rather than words, things become much more palatable, easier to bend, and sometimes even 'cool-sounding'...
--

My own verse in this terny was nowhere near what I wanted.
Learned that unless a topic "inspires" me it is not "easy"... Something to work on / practice.

Thanks for bearing with me, with my lengthy explanations and curiosities.

[Frank]

^Pharaoh Army, one of the illest feedbackers in Netcees history

[Mr. J]

@Frank remember when I sat you out with that Cypher verse...good times...


what did you write about...oh your love story <3

[Ghost1]

U r a poor sport. Where is ur integrity?

I'm disgusted.

[Adonis]

Rd two going up tonight. But I need a couple hours kiddos.

Anyone feeling particular? Quotes, picture or traditional words as topic?

Also if anyone has any they'd like to add to the mix that would be super dope and save me time

[Pent uP]

Originally Posted by Adonis

Rd two going up tonight. But I need a couple hours kiddos.

Anyone feeling particular? Quotes, picture or traditional words as topic?

Also if anyone has any they'd like to add to the mix that would be super dope and save me time

This is not a threat.

This is me sincerely stating if there are "story plots" or anything of the sort, then i will no show

[Adonis]

Originally Posted by Pent uP

This is not a threat.

This is me sincerely stating if there are "story plots" or anything of the sort, then i will no show

Well considering that wasn't even listed thanks for the heads up.

I don't like them either but apparently we differ on a few things. Though I don't like them I do enjoy a challenge. But I would never choose to pick this out side of mid season for a change of pace. Also hate quotes and wouldn't do that unless mid season as well

[Pent uP]

I can do quotes. Being forced story parameters is boring

[Adonis]

Agreed, but I like the fun in being forced out of my element considering I seldom write stories